#the little shake of his head in the second gif #the soft little ‘no’ #no— don’t ask me that#please don’t ask me how not to feel #because jim is feeling and jim is visceral and jim is emotion #jim is unbridled fear and anguish and happiness and power #jim is a full spectrum of every emotion that spock has pushed aside #and no #please don’t ask me how not to feel jim #because he doesn’t know how not to feel #because when he said that he pushed aside his fear #in the volcano when he felt heat for the first time since vulcan #when he pressed his fingers to pike’s face and understood what maybe his mother felt like in her last moments #he wasn’t feeling nothing #he was feeling too much #and the only way he could cope with that is to hollow himself out #carve out the feeling from his veins and make himself hollow #because he’s been taught that is honourable #(and jim has always been able to do the opposite) #(fill himself up with so much emotion that he bursts at the seams with light) #(and it’s spectral and unreal and intangible to someone who thrives off of touch)#so in this moment— no #i don’t want to hear you tell me you don’t want to feel #please don’t be like me #you don’t want to be like me #i don’t want to be like me #and i’d take it all away from you if i could #i’d feel a thousand vulcans freezing if you wouldn’t beg me that again #please don’t ask me what it’s like not to feel #right now i am failing. (tags via zacharyq)
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