#so there’s this kid. #and he’s the best and he’s the brightest #and he’s got a million-watt grin and does the best puppy-dog eyes this side of neptune #he’s got great things coming to him #this kid. #and even though he’s got great things coming to him he sticks around with /you/ and bumps shoulders with you and claps you on the back #and elbows you out of those moods you get in sometimes #and this kid has been the only thing that’s made life worth living since your divorce. #and you open that bag and that’s that familiar face and the eyes are closed but they should be open #and he’s not moving and he’s not breathing and he’s full of radiation and this kid isn’t going anywhere great anymore. #even though he deserved to. #and you can’t even speak #can’t even cry #can’t even sign his certificate #because this pit has opened up in your chest where your heart used to be #and if you stop to think about the fact that he isn’t going to jump off that table #and say ‘c’mon let’s go’ and call you by that stupid nickname #you might break. #so instead you just sit down so you don’t fall down and put your head in your hands and wish for a moment #that everybody on board this ship were dead instead of this one kid. #just a moment. you can allow yourself one moment of selfishness. even if he would hate you for it. #he can’t hate you anymore anyway. (tags via gotnothinleft)