I think there’s a reading of the “What Is Johns Deal With Sholto?” that comes up with the answer “Daddy Issues!”- which leads me to think… Is there an abandonment there that he is utterly opposed to reenacting with his own child?

loriliesong:

earlgreytea68:

I actually had the same thought while I was watching. Not with the Sholto connection but just: It turns out Sherlock was the one with the happy family. Even through a wedding, we never see any of John’s. I do wonder if it makes him feel even more compelled to give the baby a “solid” family life. 

John is the dark horse in this series. We learn so much about Sherlock and his history but what about John? Loyal, caring, kind, protective, jumper-clad, dangerous John with his drive to fix people  and his problematic hero-worship of damaged men. We actually know little about him other than his medical and military background. Except in one scene here, where we have a window into his past and what a window it is. Back in Baker Street with Sherlock and Mary John is shown just how his life choices brought him to his current situation. He explodes “Why is it always MY FAULT!” That response often speaks to a history of abandonment or abuse, where a child is blamed for the problems of his parents and tries to fix them. He exhibits many of the co-dependent traits found in families with a history of alcoholism (Hi Harry!). People-pleasing, boundary issues, care-taking, difficulty with intimate communication (well, that could also be part of being British but John takes it to extremes), reactivity. So my take, for what it’s worth, is a father perhaps sometimes violent, with a history of alcoholism. Possibly military background; at any rate, someone John probably loved, feared, hated, and more than anything wanted to save.

John’s view on why Sherlock brought them all to his home for Christmas actually reinforces the image of a dysfunctional family for John. How bad does your family need to be to see Sherlock’s family as normal? Mummy Holmes is a genius eccentric (to say the least-Sherlock didn’t fall to far from that tree) and strikes me a a pretty scary lady if pushed, and she basically married John. I think Sherlock had a very strange childhood although he did know love.  But I really want to know the story of the missing child.