A Spliffy Head Canon
This might all seem obvious but, uh. Well, here we go.
Keep in mind all this happens in flashback. Sherlock is telling the wedding attendees only “the really good bits” of the story. (That’s the key for me because eventually I plan to do a meta on the narrative structure of S3. This is practice.)
- Sherlock doesn’t drink. He prefers drugs.
- He thinks partying at the murder scenes adds a “personal touch” to the bachelor night. Ok— maybe that’s innocent.
- Sherlock doesn’t want John or himself to get too drunk on their pub crawl because that would “ruin it. Spoil the mood.” When has that phrase ever meant anything other than impending sex?
- Molly tells him he knows well enough about chemistry to work out the levels on his own. Sherlock emphasizes that he needs her help because he lacks “the practical experience.” This conversation is so not about beer-in-cylinders. I won’t pretend anymore.
- It’s so about sex that when Mollly calls Sherlock out for implying that she’s a drunk Sherlock asks about Tom. Molly brings up the loads of sex she and Tom are having pretty much out of the blue.
[Ostensibly Sherlock told the wedding crowd about the loads of sex Molly and Tom were having.]
- Molly’s sex life is TMI for Sherlock so he gets back to his business immediately. Sherlock tells Molly to calculate his and John’s “sweet spots” to keep them light-headed the whole evening. Sweet spots. Gah!
- Sherlock pulls out their health records and hands Molly a picture of the ideal Vitruvian Man with John’s face on it. I’m assuming that’s how Sherlock keeps records of John’s proportions. Bit obsessive, no? About John’s body?
- We don’t know how Molly and Sherlock did the calculations because next we’re at the first pub and it’s still daylight. When John asks Sherlock if they’re on a schedule, Sherlock replies that John will thank him. Sherlock smugly has something in mind for the end of the evening. What? I think I know.
- 5 bars (perhaps 6). At the 6th (7th?) John’s doing a shot without Sherlock’s knowledge and spiking S’s beer. On to bar 7 (8? That’s a LOT of corpses.) Where Sherlock is swearing that he knows ash. “Don’t. tell. me. I. don’t.” We can assume Sherlock’s gone drunk deducing on the bloke but uh… why ash? Yes it’s an in-joke with his ash study. But there’s something else… Sherlock almost gets decked but stumbles backwards while John pulls him away. Sherlock’s pointy finger and parting words— “ashtr…” something. It sounds like “ashtray” but what do I know? He repeats it over the black screen before we fade into the Baker Street stairwell. The boys end up on the stairs. Within two hours they’re sleeping side by side mushed together. Dang that shot was powerful to have foiled Sherlock’s plans so quickly! Or did it? Dun dun DUN!
- Hudders wakes them and we cut to the Rizla game. A couple of things. They look even more wasted to my eye. And they’re using Rizlas. Sherlock’s an expert smoker but we’ve never seen him roll his own. He always smokes cigarettes. (Yes there’s a pipe and cigar boxes on the 221b set but he’s never touched them.)
Conclusion: They’re drunk AND high. They got up from the stairs, went inside the flat, and rolled a joint and smoked it and Pretty Lady ensued. Sherlock scored the pot from the guy in the pub and that’s why he’s babbling about ash AND why he didn’t get the shit beat out of him. Sherlock and John smoked the same joint. They swapped spit. And that’s why John has the giggles. (Yes they’re still drinking. To that I say: Rizlas.)
If they’re yellow Rizlas then they’re licorice. There are no plausible conditions under which Sherlock would roll a licorice-flavored tobacco cigarette.
So. That’s my Johnlock head canon and you’re welcome to it.
I guess I should state the second obvious part. MRS.HUDSON COULD HAVE GIVEN THEM THE SPLIFF.
God, I love this!
The ONLY problem I have with this meta is:
where’s the massive bag of doritos?!