Month: January 2014

annejamison:

Twas the night before Sherlock and all through the earth
All the fangirls were squeeing with uncontained mirth.
The giffers were giffing the teasers with care
In hopes that new episodes soon would be there.

The slashers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions Johnlockian danced in their heads.
To avoid any spoiling, I blocked from my Tumblr
All spoilers and actors who used to be humbler.

When out on the web there arose such a chatter
I logged in to twitter to see what was the matter.
I turned on the iphone, I didn’t need Flash
To hear cries of “no homo!” “no romo!” and “slash!”

“The camera on Cumberbatch flesh white as snow
Gave lust to John Watson’s gaze, shot from below!”
When what to my stream-scrolling eyes should appear
But an actor announcing “John Watson’s not queer!

 “Our show’s straight up bromance, it’s you all who gayed us!
The queer stuff’s a joke, you can even ask Gatiss!”
Then, more livid than fangirls oft slighted by canon,
Billy Wilder arose from the dead bearing fanon!

“Now Barrymore, Rathbone, Now William Gillette!
On Stephens! On Plummer! On Jeremy Brett!
From The Study in Scarlet to the top of Bart’s wall,
All Holmeses are “fond of queer mysteries”—all!

“The Great Game Sherlockians always have played—
When it meets with an error, a story is made!”
So up to the rooftop, the Holmeses, they flew,
Falling and dying and coming back new.

"When in "Reichenbach” Cumberbatch fell from the roof,
We knew Sherlock lived, we just didn’t have proof!”
As these ghosts of past Holmeses were flitting around
Through the livestream Mark Gatiss came in with a bound.

He was dressed all in pinstripes, a well-tailored fella,
Propped up on a signature Mycroft umbrella.
A bundle of references sprung from his lips,
From the footprints of hounds to the five orange pips.

 “We’re giving you Sherlock, so let us not tarry,
But fans wanted Johnlock where Doyle wrote us Mary!
Our Sherlockian mouth may be arched like a bow
And the camera may dwell on his skin white as snow,

We traded his pipe for the nicotine patch,
And we added a Molly, but Mary must match!
Our Sherlock likes cellphones, John posts to a blog,
But we’re not all that modern, we can’t have men snog!”

And then from my bookshelf a volume pushed out
And I laughed when I saw Nero Wolfe by Rex Stout!
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Gatiss gave us to know we had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but turned to his writing
And filled slashers’ fic prompts with gazes exciting.
Rex Stout saw the Holmes/Watson conjugal life
But instead of two gents, called them “husband and wife,”

And where Moffat wrote Adler as weilding a whip,
Stout saw Watson, “The Woman,” give readers the slip.
But both Moffat and Gatiss as Great Gamers know,
Sherlock Holmes is for all of us! On with the show!