steve gets into fights precisely because he’s chronically ill
because chronically ill people can suffer from disassociation from their own bodies – it’s a coping mechanism of sorts. if you are constantly exhausted or in pain, you develop ways to still function and one of them is just to try and ignore the exhaustion/pain/symptoms are happening
it’s not necessarily conscious or healthy but it’s a thing
so physical activity (sex, physical fights, etc) is a potentially way to ground yourself back in your own body (again not necessarily conscious or healthy)
suddenly bucky’s “sometimes i think you like getting punched” in tfa sounds a lot less of a witty one-liner and a hint at something more uncomfortable about steve’s coping mechanisms
and then afterwards when he’s in a new body that’s completely alien and confusing to him he gets into more fights, in fact the first time we see him in the avengers he’s punching something repeatedly and it seems to be a grounding exercise
because it’s what he’s done all his life, what else is he supposed to do??
just a thought (i might elaborate on this further/properly later)
#YEAH NO LOOK#Steve disassociating from his body is so important#and I’m a gender junkie so that’s where I get into it#like he doesn’t look especially masculine#and he knows it: big blue eyes pretty lashes small frame#he looks in the mirror and wonders if he’d make more sense in a dress#then he opens his mouth to talk and it all goes away#he’s back to being all mismatched and not quite fitting anywhere#but he sure as hell can get in fights#he might not look like a man but at least he’ll look boyish with a black eye and and bloody nose#so it’s a way of reclaiming his gender too#because I think he wants to be seen as SOMETHING and he wants to control how he’s seen#maybe he dresses like a girl sometimes too just to see if he can do it#but then he gets the serum and it’s like BOOM instant man shape and that’s gotta thow him off#and tldr I just really like bigSteve in stockings and lipstick#wow that got long I am so sorry#Steve Rogers#chronic illness#meta#this is the good * (via sonickitty)