Firstly, Vikings were not stinky, in fact they were considered a fragrant bouquet of delight compared to their Saxon neighbours. Vikings bathed once a week and fashioned beauty products out of small animal bones, tweezers to pluck out unwanted hair and ear spoons to scoop out gunk from the lug holes of even the most fearsome warrior.
Secondly, Vikings weren’t all that blood thirsty. In fact, their raiding hobby fast moved on to rather more boring interests, such as trading, settling and exploring (YAWN!).
Thirdly, there’s no evidence to suggest that Vikings wore horns on their helmets. After all, why would anyone think it would be a good idea to stick two big easy to grab horns on the side of their head? It would allow a quick thinking opponent to either yank your head in position for a well timed slash of a broadsword or simply pull your helmet over your eyes and provide chortlesome fun for all their friends as you stumble, blindly around the battlefield. In fact, there’s very little evidence to suggest that Viking wore helmets AT ALL. Illustrations from the period show them wearing lousy leather caps or boringly bare headed.
So if Vikings aren’t Stinky, blood thirsty, horned helmet wearing barbarians then doesn’t that make them rather boring? Oh no no dear reader, Vikings did plenty of bizarrely brilliant things. Here’s the Top 3 Weird Facts about Vikings according to Max Virtus.
3. Vikings loved Skiing
Ullr – The Viking god of skiing.
Who doesn’t love Skiing? They answer is not Vikings. They loved it. Their skis were about 2 metres long and made of pine wood. However, Vikings didn’t just ski, they also went ice skating. The skates were made from the foot bones of horses, cows or elks and were strapped to the feet of the Viking as they propelled themselves over the ice with two short sticks.
Are you thinking about a giant bearded Viking warrior involved in a pretty spectacular and surprisingly flexible ice skate dance routine whilst clad in horribly florescent and skin tight lycra? If not, you are now.
2. Wee Dye
Lye Soap ready for application
Vikings considered the ideal hair colour to be blonde. They could also suffer from horrible infestations of lice and knits in their finely combed (yes, they had combs too) hair.
So what better solution than dunking your head in a month old bucket of wee?
Not only would it eliminate any rogue lice if would also lighten the colour of your hair.
However, having to keep month old buckets of wee could clutter up even the longest longhouse. so Lye Soap was developed instead. The key toxic ingredient of yee olde Lye Soap? Wee.
1. Vikings had a Weird Sense of Humour
A Cow
Vikings took their reputations very seriously indeed. An insulted Viking would often respond to the verbal bashing by challenging the bully to a physical bashing instead. Duals would be held (not always resulting in death, sometimes the warrior who managed to disarm the other or draw first blood would be the victor) but what happened to the person who lost? Well, they were given a rather odd challenge. A wild cow would be brought into the hall where the dual had taken place. The cows tail would then be shaved and coated in grease. Then the Viking who had lost the dual would have their feet covered in grease too. Then the cow would be made angry (calling it names or poking it in the eye with a stick should do the trick). Then the loser would have to grip the cow’s tail (can you tell where this is going yet?).
On a given command the Viking would then have to pull the cow’s tail. Which would make the cow go WILD! Bucking and stomping, kicking out with it’s hooves like a cowy whirlwind of death. The poor Viking would simply have to keep hold of it’s tail until it calmed down. If he succeeded then not only could he keep his life he could also keep the cow as well! Bonus!
Secret Bonus Fact: Viking warriors wore eyeliner! It was called kohl and it was a dark coloured powder that kept the harsh light of the sun from damaging sensitive eyeballs.
Minor correction: people used the metatarsal of cows as skates. While this is technically a “foot bone,” cows are ungulates, meaning that they “walk” on the very tips of their toe bones. When looking at a cow leg, this makes the metatarsal used for ice skate material part of the lower leg. On the image below, this would be the bone labeled “25”
Unfortunately I don’t have a photo of one to show you guys, but I can take one when I go to work on Thursday, as we have a bone of this type at the museum at work at.
