Personal rambling below the cut

I had a small breakdown tonight while trying to write. Just feeling like all my words were crap that nothing was coming out right, that it was all too cheesy. I’ll probably post it anyway when it’s done.

I think maybe I’m tired of being strong. This has been a rough year and some days it feels like it won’t be worth it in then end. Not that I’m going to quit school or work or putting words to paper.

I just don’t want to be this helpless, on this knife edge of ruin. I don’t want to be still in the same kind of job when I’m 40 (I’m 36, 37 in February). I want to travel. I want to stop saying ‘someday’.

I don’t know how to get there from here. I don’t know exactly what job I’ll get when I graduate. I’m not even sure I’ll be living in the same place if I can get a good job elsewhere. I’ve got a year or so to go with school.

But I don’t want to keep putting things off either. I don’t know how to be the best me. I do know I need to keep writing. I need to keep fighting.