I have always wondered why John’s early scenes in this episode are so drenched with sadness. He looks worse than he did at the end of TRF, worse than in MHR. I think it is because his mind tells him to say the ultimate farewell but his heart cannot bear it.
Here is the blog entry of 5 October. This is basically the situation we find him in at the beginning of TEH.
So this’ll be my last blog. Sherlock, you bastard, wherever you are. Cheers. John.
Closing the blog – his first step in saying goodbye for good.
Next we see John at the cemetery, his face the epitome of heartbreak and loss. Is this the first time he takes Mary, sort of introducing her to his dead friend? And is it also the ultimate farewell, the second step after closing the blog.
And then we see him sitting desolately on the Tube on his way to Baker Street. Why does he go there after all this time, after moving out and never calling Mrs Hudson? The scene in the hallway always breaks my heart – this moment of hesitation, hearing Sherlock’s violin in his head, remembering what they had and what is gone forever.
John wants to says goodbye to the place where he was happy – the third step. And I think there is more to it – Mrs Hudson was a sort of mother to Sherlock and himself, so he asks her blessing for the forthcoming marriage. Which he does not actually get. The superficial “still not gay” joke is subverted by the fact that Mrs Hudson does not really congratulate him. She is shocked that he considers this step, “so soon after Sherlock”.
IMO this also explains why John looks so lost and sad in the restaurant. I think he is not nervous – why should he be? John is a man with lots of experience who has met a woman he wants to marry, a woman he daily meets at work and at home, a woman he should know intimately by now.
I think John knows that his proposal is the fourth and last step in letting Sherlock definitely behind, in moving on, in saying goodbye. He knows that the moment he proposes to Mary there will be no way back. Never again will there be a “Right. Okay. You’re unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.”
It is difficult to come back from this. And it explains many things about John in series 3.
