callmebliss:

belovedbright:

beautytruthandstrangeness:

naamahdarling:

elodieunderglass:

fuckyeahdiomedes:

mehofkirkwall:

ryannahwood:

fuck-me-barnes:

pringlesaremydivision:

i-will-not-be-caged:

misa-nthropy:

threefootroo:

this-simple-mind:

bloodyfrank:

supervillainesses:

loracarol:

petergatsbygreen:

wittyandcharming:

lufthexe:

deluxetoaster:

okay, listen for a sec. We all know the “”“"American”“”“” Harry Potter universe houses are trash for many, many reasons. One of the reasons is that America is too big to have just one wizarding school where there are only 4 houses, right? so I propose that we in MA instead start sorting ourselves into these exclusive New England houses I made up as I wrote this post:

-Dunked Donut (those who are loyal to their ideals, strong-willed and hardworking but susceptible to black-and-white thinking)

-Duck Boat (those with a hunger for life experience, sharp and analytical but also impulsive and desperate for thrills)

-Lobster (those who are blue-blood types with a taste for power and the intelligence to lead effectively but tend to be overzealous and can’t appreciate the subtleties of teamwork)

-Murphy, they’re literally just the Dropkick Murphys we made a whole house for them and none of them even attend the school it’s just in case one of them shows up one day

Florida Houses:

-Sunburn

-Gator

-Pub sub

-Gun

California Houses:

-In n Out

-Chili Peppers

-Redwood

-Drought 

Tennessee Houses:

-Mountain Dewds

-Cowboys without Horses

-Drunken Housewifes

-Dead Deer Collectors

Oregon Houses:

– Sasquatch

– Dysentary

– Hippies

– Hipsters

Missouri Houses:

-Tornados

-Corn

-Suburban Deer

-Mosquitos

New York Houses:

-Bacon, egg, and cheese

-Road Rage

-Constant Yelling

-Pizza

Nevada Houses:

-Air Conditioning

-Stripper Glitter

-Chlorine Hair

-Indie Band

wisconsin houses:

– cheddar

– gouda

– mozzarella

– the green bay packers

Ohio houses:

– corn corn rotate soy

– Hell Is Real

– industrial river pollution

– buckeyes

Texas houses:

– piney woods

– black gold

– cow manure

– big hair

– Keep Austin Weird

(We need five, because everything’s bigger in Texas)

Illinois houses:

– Cubs

– Sox

– Bears

– Blackhawks

nah fam Illinois houses are 

– The City

– South of I-80

that’s it, that’s all, we only have two houses

North Carolina:
– cookout
-Eastern barbecue
– Lexington Barbecue

Washington has Two schools, one for each half the state aside the native school

WetSide School:

-Starbucks
-Rain

DrySide:

-Flannel
-Wildfire

They’re technically one school but WetSide gets all the funding

Colorado:

-Weed

-Hiking

That’s it those are the only houses

Haha wait what if it was more like the actual boarding school house system used in real life? the New England school would be divided up like

Mainepain

New Hampster

Masshole

Connecticunt

Vermonster

with everyone from Rhode Island having to live in a shed out the back

Oklahoma Houses:

Traffic Barrels

Parking Lot Grackle

Blue Whale

GUTS

Capital District New York Houses:

Jimmy’s Lunch: Nothing can kill you, trash princess. DADA experts. Day drinkers. Either your best friend or a large squishy projectile to hurl at your worst enemy.

Honest Weight: Hippies and SJWs. Keep sharing witchcraft with the NoMajs, which is great for Herbology profits. Raging fight between the PETA crowd and the Care of Magical Creatures geeks. 

677 Prime: Power and people who think they can tell the difference between $15 dollar wine and $50 dollar wine. Good at flashy charms and transfigurations. 

Whistling Kettle: Nerds with a good sense of smell. Great at potions, if only they’d study – they’re too busy doing their “passion projects.” Tend to be good on a broom. 

Actually the more I think about it, the more I completely disagree with the Cap Dist houses.  

Stuyvesant – The *really* old families all belong here.  As often as not, they’ve got name recognition but their wealth is failing.  Social, charming, ambitious. 

Stewart – Second youngest official house.  The grand catch-all.  Solid, dependable, kind with just enough fun.  

Henry – Tinkerers & intellectuals.  Named for Joseph Henry, former Albany Academy professor & secret wizard.  Has become more codified and less daring over time, but still focused on intellectual pursuits. 

Muh-he-kun-ne-tuk – Youngest official house.  Named for the Mohican name for the Hudson River.  Strong focus on combating the erasure of Native contributions to magic.  

Egg – Unofficial house.  Rebellious mix of the other houses that comprises of a whole lot of “who says we can’t?” attitude.  Interested as much in modern muggle science as magic.  Named for “The Egg,” they take pride in the fact that what failed elsewhere just might work here.  

The Egg

Exciting and old, The Egg

You’ll do what you’re told the Egg

The Egg

No corners for you