The enjoyment I get from removing the wax packaging from a lil cheese wheel is immediately aligned with entertainment zoo animals get when they have to solve a puzzle or get into a box to find a treat. I’m just an ape and the babybel cheese people are my enrichment team
I think about this post a lot. I talk about it a lot. It’s to the point where, at work when we don’t like someone, we go, “that person is NOT on my enrichment team” because apparently the biggest insult, we think, is that that person is not successfully zooing us.
this is incredible thank you for telling me
Aside from all the other reasons it’s gross, humor that’s based on degrading women and minorities is plain lazy. If you can’t make people laugh without punching down, you’re just not funny.
Just be kind and weird. Be absurd. It’s not that hard.
I make people laugh by punching down myself
That’s because of toxic societal teachings.
Be an anarchist: love yourself.
I feel compelled to tell you that this is now wallpaper for both my lockscreen and my homepage
give us the pics
Also, while we’re here, I also wanna say that this shitpost has actually touched me. Like I’ve had serious loving comments from friends and family about caring about myself, and this has somehow made a bigger impact. This post legit brought me to tears. I have it written on my hand and it’s probably going to be written many other places. And that’s why it’s my wallpaper
i’m proud of you, you funky little anarchist melon ball
Love yourself out of spite
Love yourself out of spite
@ everyone considering this for a tattoo: remember you can commission @theshitpostcalligrapher to design it for you!
OKAY SO I ACTUALLY KIND OF LOVE MAKING PHONE BACKGROUNDS SO I MADE THESE AND YOU GUYS CAN USE THEM IF YOU WANT AND ALSO IF YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING DIFFERENT I CAN DO THAT
(THAT THEMATIC JUXTAPOSITION THO)
I GUESS THAT’S ALL BYE
So this is now my iPad wallpaper
I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…
The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.
Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”
Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”
Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”
My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”
Zombie : “AARRRGH”
Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”
Zombie : “TEETH!!”
This happened to me.
Scary prison dude: HELLO
Me: Nice to meet you!
Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot
My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that
Some of the best/most memorable moments of the RTD era, just because:
•The devastation in Nine’s eyes when Jabe says “Time Lord” in “The End of the World”
•the Dalek being able to levitate in “Dalek”
•the stupid preciousness of Rose trying to say “Raxacoricofallapatorius” in “Boom Town” and her exuberant hugs with Nine and Jack
•the soundless “ex-ter-min-ate” outside Lynda’s window during “The Parting of the Ways” before the Daleks smash through
•In the same episode, that close-up of Rose/Bad Wolf’s face when she says “I want you safe—my Doctor” and the light in her eyes dies out for a second and there are tears running down her cheeks. And you can see that she is burning up and falling apart but she doesn’t stop, and you can tell that she knows she going to die and doesn’t care if it means he’s safe
•Jackie’s shriek of “I’m gonna get killed by a Christmas tree” in “The Christmas Invasion” (I C O N I C)
•"That, that, that is textbook enigmatic"
•Ten’s smug smile at Rose’s exasperation in “School Reunion” when she’s serving chips
•K-9’s increasingly sassy versions of “We are in a car”
•"A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction"
•The Doctor’s giggle when he finds out Rose is a dog in the parallel universe, and Rose being increasingly fed up with him
•"I believe in her"
•Ursula getting preserved as a concrete slab (w h a t)(it wasn’t best but it sure was memorable)
•The Doctor crying in the Tardis when he’s cut off during “Doomsday”
•Jackie hugging Rose on the beach
•"I’m not—I’m not—I’m not from Mars??“ said as though Ten is no longer sure whether he is or not
•Martha’s face as she looks at the Earth from the moon
•The Doctor deciding that electrocuting himself at the top of the Empire State Building is a good idea
•"Don’t they teach recreational mathematics anymore?” Lol FAVE
•"If the Doctor had never visited us, if he’d never chosen this place, on a whim…would anybody here have died?“
•The music in the background of the Master’s hunt for Martha on the streets during “Last of the Time Lords”
•"You’re not falling, Astrid. You’re flying” (I don’t care what you say, I loved this stupid episode)
•Donna waving at fat and her weirded-out look afterward
•When Rose first shows up in “Partners in Crime” like !!!!!
•Halpen TURNING INTO AN OOD WHAT WAS THAT
•Martha breaking down in tears when the Hath dies
•Donna’s enraged “What? Who did I kill?!” in “The Unicorn and the Wasp”
•River’s last words being “Spoilers”
•The Doctor’s look of utter desolation after River dies
•Donna’s frantic clinging to her children when the data core world starts falling apart
•That moment of cold horror when the Doctor questions whether the people on the train would really kill Sky and the Hostess says, “I would”
•The look of complete terror in Ten’s eyes when he starts copying Sky
•THE MUSIC WHILE TEN AND ROSE ARE RUNNING TOWARDS EACH OTHER
•"No really, you can hug me" Donna is so thirsty for Captain Jack and I love it
•ThaT KISS MY PRECIOUS BABIES
•The sudden drop in your stomach when Donna keeps repeating “Binary—binary—binary—”
•That awful moment when Wilf swings the door open and Ten is holding Donna
•Rosita being more competent than everybody else in “The Next Doctor”
•Jackson Lake’s Tardis being a hot-air balloon (that episode was so adorable tbh)
•That feeling of foreboding when Ten turns down Lady Christina de Souza
•Steffi watching the video from her family as she is hit by the water on Mars
•The quiet flash of light after Adelaide enters her house in “Waters of Mars,” and Ten’s broken “I’ve gone too far"—an understated scene but no less chilling for all that
•Ten and Wilf crying together in the cafe
•Ten deciding that jumping through a ceiling was in any way a good idea
•Jack’s final salute
•"Was she happy, in the end?”
•Donna getting a happy ending
•"I bet you’re gonna have a really great year"
•The change in Ten’s expression when he starts regenerating and you can see his choice to die bravely
•Matt Smith at the end honestly what a cutie
jaiwithinnumerableunblinkingeyes:
Every time I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke.
okay but what’s updog ?
Updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.
No, that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released
You’re thinking of update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.
No, that’s uptalk. You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.
surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs
You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
no that’s an updraft
updog isn’t a noun at all, it’s a verb; it basically means to chew someone out, or harshly lecture them
No, that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people’s laps.
No that’s a puppydog. An updog is when the Mets win.
No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
What’s a henway?
Oh, about 5 pounds.
jaiwithinnumerableunblinkingeyes:
Every time I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke.
okay but what’s updog ?
Updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.
No, that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released
You’re thinking of update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.
No, that’s uptalk. You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.
surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs
You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
no that’s an updraft
updog isn’t a noun at all, it’s a verb; it basically means to chew someone out, or harshly lecture them
No, that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people’s laps.
No that’s a puppydog. An updog is when the Mets win.
No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
What’s a henway?
Oh, about 5 pounds.