Look, I don’t want a giant pile of wank pointed my way, but I’m going to put this out here and say it once:

I’m so tired of this fandom. Not all of you, of course, not even most of you. I know the vast majority of us just want to ship whatever we ship, delight over the show we love, discuss and create what we want.

But there’s also a reason that people stay out of it. My best friend enjoys the show, but says that she’s ‘not in the fandom’. Because she’s seen how much shit goes on over here and wants no part of it. And that’s sad. It puts up a wall. If all someone sees of a fandom or a group is shitposts and infighting, then why the hell would they want to be part of it?

I know I haven’t been writing as much. Part of that is time and stuff going on with me, part of it is the show, and part of it is fandom. It’s difficult for me to write anything with the show where it stands now. I don’t mind writing stuff going back in time or AUs, or other pairings, but my Johnlock feels kind of broken and I don’t know how to get that back.Hopefully S4, whenever we get it, will fix some of that.

I’m lucky in that I joined fandom when I did. It was the late summer of 2013, things were still vibrant, everyone was still puzzling over Reichnbach and I was able to write and grow and get so much positive feedback and meet so many amazing people that my life was literally changed. 

But something has happened over the last year. Maybe it’s just part of a fandom’s lifecycle. Maybe we’re all just trying to deal with s3. Maybe the more strident voices in this fandom are driving out those of us just trying to do what we do. Well, that one isn’t a maybe, that has certainly happened. And it makes me sad when we lose those voices, when people are so fed up and tired of this fandom that they stop participating. Sure they’re still writing and creating other things, turning their attentions elsewhere (for the most part), but I can’t blame them for wanting out of this. Even if they aren’t a target of the wank themselves, how much are they willing to have on their dashes, how much are they willing to tolerate?

I don’t like bullying, in any form. I was bullied far too much as a kid to tolerate it as an adult. Even if you’re self-righteously convinced that yours is the only way, that what you’re doing is best for other people, I would plead with you to think about what you’re doing, and who you’re hurting in an effort to ‘correct’ things.

I’m not going anywhere, I don’t think. I’m still here, in my own little corner. But I’m also posting this because even though I’m a nobody I’m still afraid to post it, still afraid this will make me a target. And that’s not right.