- He made an ordinary fight look like a prayer meetin’.
- He was mean enough to steal a coin off a dead man’s eyes.
- He has teeth so crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
- She’s so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
- She’s so ugly, she’d make a freight train take a dirt road!
- He’s as crazy as popcorn on a hot stove.
- His knife’s so dull it wouldn’t cut hot butter.
- He had a ten dollar Stetson on a five-cent head.
- He’s as slow as molasses in January.
For more colorful insults, check out Old West Legends