wsswatson:

Sorry to drag this up again, but I was thinking about the earlier discussion re. bi John vs. ‘straight with exception’ John while I was walking my dog, and I thought of something else I’d like to add while it’s in my head.

I think that a lot of people who label themselves as ‘straight with an exception’, and even more so, ‘straight with exceptions’, are people with a lot of internalised biphobia. This was certainly the case with me – I identified as straight (heterosexual – I’ve been aware of my aromanticism for a long time) with an exception and then with exceptions for quite some time before I started as identifying as bisexual (or grey-bisexual, to get nuanced), and I know several others who did the same.

There is a massive stigma attached to bisexuality and biromanticism (and, by extension, pansexuality and panromaticism), and in societies where being gay is becoming more accepted, biphobia is more prevalent. I’d expand upon that, but my bisexuality, biphobia and erasure tags will do that nicely for me.

Technically, in order to be bisexual/romantic, all that you need to do is experience sexual/romantic attraction to people of the same and other genders. People, as in a minimum of two. A minimum of two, as in a minimum of ONE person of one gender and ONE of another. Meanwhile, heterosexual/romantic technically means ‘EXCLUSIVELY sexually/romantically attracted to men/women depending on gender’.

Of course, identity is more complex than language. Even if I ever experienced romantic attraction to someone, I imagine I would still identify as aromantic, because I would not consider a solitary experience sufficient to alter how I see myself and how I interact with other people generally. That said, I know from experience that lots of people who identify as bi or pan now once identified as ‘straight with an exception/exceptions’.

Hand in hand with biphobia, a large contributing factor to this is misunderstanding of what being bi actually means. So many people believe at least one of the following misconceptions:

• Bi people are attracted exclusively to cis men and women
• Bi people don’t have a gender preference
• Bi people can’t be happy without a man and a woman at any one time
• Bi people are all either polyamorous or cheaters
• Bi people have to have dated/slept with at least one man and woman
• Bi people are ‘greedy’

THAT is precisely why John being explicitly bi would be so powerful. I would argue that he had a relationship with Sholto, but generally, he prefers women, or at least, he prefers DATING women (and social biphobia, internalised biphobia and his upbringing make that perfectly realistic – the same is the case for many bi men in their 30s and 40s). He doesn’t need both to be happy, he isn’t insatiable, and he is capable of monogamy.

Him being ‘straight with an exception’, meanwhile, would simultaneously vilify queerness (his “not gay” retaining face value), perpetuate the idea that people who read characters as queer are delusional (people have been reading Watson as queer for decades and have spent a lot of time considering John as queer, particularly since The Sign of Three), and send out a message to young people who are struggling with internalised biphobia that it IS preferable to be straight with exceptions than to be bi.

I’d like to clarify that I am not trying to attack people who identify as straight with an exception/exceptions. I just want to offer my perspective, as someone who once identified as such and now identifies as grey-bisexual, on why I’m passionate about bi!John.