Lately I’ve been doing this thing where when men give me shit at my job, I choose to instead speak to their wives/girlfriends/female counterpart. I had a dude today try to yell at me and I ignored him and instead spoke in a very level voice to his wife instead. He literally stomped his feet like a fucking toddler and said “stop ignoring me! I’m talking!” And his wife said “George, please use a quieter voice. You’re embarrassing me.”
You are a genius and I’m using this
Lol I learned it from my mom. She does this all the time and eventually the guy either sulks off somewhere or adjusts his behaviour and THEN she’ll address him. I did this with my friends puppies when I was training them and it works the same tbh
Whenever a married couple calls in escalated, I always address whichever one seems the most rational. 9/10 it’s the wife. Usually, the husband gets cut out of the conversation until we’re done.
Memorable quotes:
“She’s explaining it to me now and you were wrong.”
“Honey, stop talking so the nice lady can help us.”
“Why don’t you go have some coffee while Amelia and I figure this out? Hmmmm?”
“I understand it and I will explain it to you later. Let me get this taken care of.”
“I understand, sweetie, can you explain it to my husband real quick? [aside] Now, you listen to this lady and don’t interrupt!”
Calm wives in the face of their overemotional husbands are a customer service lifeline.
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy – ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”
we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside
I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.
In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”
I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.
My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.
my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area
I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool
a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”
Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.
i live for stories like these
i work with kids, one time i came back from a long shift and ended up (successfully) telling my dad to “Stop it.” in the most commanding tone i have ever heard when he was being loud at dinner. i have never felt so mortified yet so powerful.
I’m a cinematographer and I was sharing a room with a friend while we were shooting my last film and I woke him up yelling “I just don’t understand what you want from this shot”
I work in customer service, at a maze, where we have to hand out flags,and overall it’s good for just general life, good people skill and all that jazz, apart from, when, after eight hours in the hot sun I turned around to my companion who asked me what the time was and handed him a flag, then walked off. I’ve responded to phone calls with “Do you have your map and flag.” Many times in the past.
One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”
The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”
I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.
The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.”
this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor
The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry
That’s why it irks me when people act like my job isn’t hard and there’s no reason to be exhausted at the end of the day. Yeah I’m at a desk, but dealing with people isn’t easy!!
And like, I do tech support, so I have to be friendly, I have to figure out what their problem is, then I have to figure out now to solve it, and then I have to explain it to them in a way that they understand, all the while assuring them that they aren’t idiots, and sometimes things happen, and it’s perfectly okay that they called in. Or I have to soothe someone that’s pissed off long enough to figure out how or if I can help them.
Hubby doesn’t understand why I prefer to work evenings, but it’s because I’m so exhausted by the time I get off work, that I’d have zero energy to do anything if I had to work and then go to school. Also why I generally need quiet when I get off.
And I’m a natural extrovert. I don’t know how introverts can do this.
I don’t want to live any longer in this world of “the customer is always right.” This is a world that shows the aggressive, the bull-headed, the cruel that they have full license to behave like beasts to get what they want. Half the time, they’re even rewarded for it; “here, ma’am, so sorry for the trouble, please accept this gift card–no charge.”
I want to live in a world that punishes these childish adults as you punish a toddler throwing a tantrum. No candy for you, Jimmy; you’re going home to bed if you can’t mind yourself in public.
Throw a hissy fit because your cashier isn’t moving as fast as you’d like? Find yourself gently escorted from the store until you can show some basic compassion and patience.
Hurl a pen across the table at your signing agent? You’ve just forfeited your right to refinance your mortgage this week. Try again when your temper is managed.
Scream obscenities at the Taco Bell rep because you know it’ll earn you a free soft shell? Here’s your money back; please feel free to play again when you’ve realized fast food is not worth more than the price of human dignity.
I am so sick of accepting–and, in truth, rewarding–these callous behavior patterns in customer service industries. The fact is, the customer is not always right. The customer is often just testing to see what he can get away with. Stop pandering to spoiled children, and show your employees they have more value than their red polo, or how much abuse they can withstand in a 40-hour week.
We are here to provide a service and to make a living.
1. It is not free. It is never free. Unless there is a sign on it that specifically says “FREE” it is not free
2. We hate capitalism but it also pays our bills so we have to love it
3. You being a dick to me for no reason is not going to make your experience any better. Or me any nicer.
4. “Service with a smile” is really taking a toll on my facial muscles. My resting bitch face wasn’t made for this.
5. Your “I just printed it this morning” jokes when I run your bill for counterfeit isn’t funny. We actually take this shit seriously.
6. I know the store inventory better than you. I can bring it up on my computer screen. So when you tell me to go “check the back” I don’t know what you want me to do other than to wander aimlessly, say hi to my buddies in other departments and tell you what I already know.
7. Don’t wink at us. Don’t mistake good customer service for flirting. It’s creepy. It makes us super uncomfortable. And when you make comments to us while we ring you out, it makes everything more awkward.
8. Why the fuck did you shit on the bathroom floor the toilet was right there
9. If an employee says they are off the clock or on break, do not bother them. Seriously. Don’t.
10. Don’t be a dick to retail workers. No one gets paid enough for that.
Also, we don’t fucking control the goddamn prices. We cannot give you fucking discounts out of the air. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT BEING TOO EXPENSIVE TAKE YA ASS OUT THEN
