Divine Censorship

yourplayersaidwhat:

Sorcerer: Hey Ian (Paladin), this guy’s last name is Mr. Cummings.

Paladin: Then he should change it to Mr. Pissing because that’s exactly what he’s going to be doing when we bust down his door.

Sorcerer (OOC): …Did you just pro-dodge my attempt to set up a dirty joke?

Paladin (OOC): I have advantage on SFW saving throws.

As a bonus action, I cast Wrathful Smite. Then I attack his masculinity.

the Paladin, getting fed up with a sexist merchant who he’s been forced to deal with for days on his own

kuchenkat:

lsunnyc:

celynbrum:

somethingdnd:

lsunnyc:

can we take a moment to just think about how incredibly scary magical healing is in-context?

You get your insides ripped open but your friend waves his hands and your flesh just pulls back together, agony and evisceration pulling back to a ‘kinda hurts’ level of pain and you’re physically whole, with the 100% expectation that you’ll get back up and keep fighting whatever it was that struck you down the first time.

You break your arm after falling somewhere and after you’re healed instead of looking for ‘another way around’ everybody just looks at you and goes “okay try again”.

You’ve been fighting for hours, you’re hungry, thirsty, bleeding, crying from exhaustion, and a hand-wave happens and only two of those things go away. you’re still hungry, you’re still weak from thirst, but the handwave means you have ‘no excuse’ to stop.

You act out aggressively maybe punch a wall or gnash your teeth or hit your head on something and it’s hand-waved because it’s ‘such a small injury you probably can’t even feel it anymore’ but the point was that you felt it at all?

Your pain literally means nothing because as long as you’re not bleeding you’re not injured, right? Here drink this potion and who cares about the emotional exhaustion of that butchered village, why are you so reserved in camp don’t you think it’s fun retelling that time you fell through a burning building and with a hand-wave you got back up again and ran out with those two kids and their dog? 

Older warriors who get a shiver around magic-users not because of the whole ‘fireball’ thing but the ‘I don’t know what a normal pain tolerance is anymore’ effect of too much healing. Permanent paralysis and loss of sensation in limbs is pretty much a given in the later years of any fighter’s life. Did I have a stroke or did the mage just heal too hard and now this side of my face doesn’t work? No i’m not dead from the dragon’s claws but I can’t even bend my torso anymore because of how the scar tissue grew out of me like a vine.

Magical healing is great and keeps casualties down.

But man.

That stuff is scary.

shit just got creepy

Or maybe magical healing doesn’t leave scars or damage. It is magical, after all.

So after years of fighting, your skin is still perfect. Unmarred. In fact, you’re actually in better shape than regular people who don’t get magical healing when they fall out of trees or walk into doors or cut themselves while cooking dinner. You’re in such good shape that it’s unnatural.

And the really good healing magic takes away more than just the obvious injuries. You first start noticing it after about ten years when you go home and haha, you look the same age as your younger sibling, that’s funny.

Not so funny ten years later when they look older. Or forty years later, when you bury them still looking like you did at twenty. When do you retire from this gig anyway? How much damage is too much damage?

How many times do you glimpse the afterlife, or worse, how many times don’t you? What do you live through, get used to, show no outward sign of except a perfectly healthy body, too perfect for any person living a real life.

How many times are you sitting in a tavern with your friends and you hear the whispers, because the people around you know. How can they not know? Your weapons shine with enchantments and your armour is better than the best money can buy and there is not a damn scar on you. You hardly seem human to them.

How long before you hardly seem human to yourself?

And you find yourself struggling to remember the places where the scars should have been, phantom pains that wake you screaming, touching all the old injuries and finding nothing there. It’s all in your head. Was it ever anywhere else?

How long before you’re fighting a lich or a vampire or some other undead monster and you wonder…

…what makes me so different?

Here we go someone who GETS IT.

@predatsu

zetablarian:

berlynn-wohl:

venndigo:

k8thescout:

can someone explain the alignment chart for me but in like, the simplest wording possible lmao

lawful good: i want to do the right thing, and following society’s rules is the best way to do that

neutral good: i want to do what’s right, and i’m willing to bend or break the rules as long as no one gets hurt

chaotic good: i’m willing to do whatever it takes as long as it’s to do the right thing

lawful neutral: following the rules of society is the most important thing, and that matters more to me than doing what’s right

true neutral: i just want myself and the people i care about to be happy

chaotic neutral: i want my freedom, and i don’t care what i have to do to keep it

lawful evil: to impede the protagonists (in whatever evil way) is my primary goal, but i follow my own code of morals even when it’s inconvenient

neutral evil: to impede the protagonists (in whatever evil way) is the my primary goal, and while i’ll do what it takes to achieve it, i also won’t go out of my way to do unnecessary damage

chaotic evil: i relish in destruction and want to do as much damage as possible while i try to achieve my primary goal

Here is a handy visual guide I made a while back. Part of my intention was to show the variety of ways that each of the alignments can be represented:

You can see/reblog my original posts here, here, and here.

BEST ALIGNMENT CHARTS EVER.

This place seems familiar

yourplayersaidwhat:

So basically, our party was travelling through planes because we like to have fun. Upon our most recent jump this exchange happened:

DM: As you arrive, you notice that clouds block out the sky and rainfall is descending upon you.

Me (OOC): Oh hey guys, we’re in England.

DM: Not quite, you see you’re on top of a grassy hillock and can see mountains in the difference.

Me (OOC): Oh hey guys, we’re in Scotland.

DM proceeds to death stare me for a minute while the party cracks up.