So I stumbled onto the Etsy shop of this academic who–in real life–is an expert on cuneiform–and on the side, makes little trinkets with Sumerian on them and OH MAN THIS SHOP HAS MADE MY ENTIRE WEEK
For the price of about thirty bucks, you too can have a clay necklace that says “Like a farting butt, the mouth brings forth too many words” in the oldest written language on earth
https://www.etsy.com/listing/537034173/choose-your-words-carefully-like-a?ref=shop_home_active_23Or a necklace that declares “I have ferocious features that exude sexiness”
https://www.etsy.com/listing/540406774/i-have-ferocious-features-that-exude?ref=shop_home_active_54Or be the ultimate hipster and anti-capitalist before capitalism even existed with “Wanting more riches when already wealthy offends the gods”
https://www.etsy.com/listing/543598245/wanting-more-riches-when-already-wealthy?ref=shop_home_active_6Sumerian erotic poetry? Got it. Sumerian drinking songs? Yep. A little something for everyone on your Akitu gift list.
I Have Ferocious Features That Exude Sexiness Pendant (now on sale)
Old West Insults
- He made an ordinary fight look like a prayer meetin’.
- He was mean enough to steal a coin off a dead man’s eyes.
- He has teeth so crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
- She’s so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
- She’s so ugly, she’d make a freight train take a dirt road!
- He’s as crazy as popcorn on a hot stove.
- His knife’s so dull it wouldn’t cut hot butter.
- He had a ten dollar Stetson on a five-cent head.
- He’s as slow as molasses in January.
For more colorful insults, check out Old West Legends