even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out
generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies
just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone
at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account.
thrift stores
everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you
you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.
do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem
you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.
if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.
never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.
15% tip.
the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.
sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness.
no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher
Do not buy generic brand spaghetti sauce either.
Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.
Dollar store batteries work just as well as store brand.
Reward yourself from time to time when you do things that you needed to get done. It’s a good way to remind yourself to do them. Going out to pay a bill? Get Starbucks or something you don’t get often. Rewards don’t have to be huge, they can be small things like that.
Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.
Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.
Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.
There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.
Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.
Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.
“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.
MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.
Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.
DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)
If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.
Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.
If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.
Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.
You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.
Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.
KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES.
~~Medications~~
Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.
Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!
Acetaminophen = Tylenol
Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.
Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin
Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).
Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn
Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.
Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin
Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.
Asprin = Bayer
Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.
Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin
Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.
Also a general mutli-vitamin isn’t a bad idea and if you don’t get a lot of fruits or milk/sunshine in your diet you might want to get vitamins C and D specifically for daily use.
if you do accidentally lapse and put dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent goes. that’ll clean it out (tip given to me by dorm custodian when roommate did the thing).
if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.
if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.
you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.
the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.
buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.
buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.
soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.
soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.
acetone, found in most nail polish removers, dissolves super glue.
YOU’RE ALL DOING GOD’S WORK BLESS YOU
Takes pictures, have prints made and put them in photo albums. Be IN the pictures, have someone take pictures of you and your friends. Get over not looking perfect in thw picture. Someday that friend might be gone and those pictures might be all you’ll have, you will want to be in them. I made that mistake with my best friend, i always felt weird asking for a picture together… he died of cancer January of 2014 and now i have no pictures of us together. Its my only regret in life.
Correction: tip 20% Servers don’t get paid shit and I can’t tell you how many paychecks I’ve received that were zero dollars because of the weird way tips are taxed. Tip well. It makes people’s day and makes you a nicer person.
I don’t claim to create any of these and please feel free to add on bUT HERE YOU GO YOU PRECIOUS DORKS HAVE FUN
General
Coffee Shop AU
together literally every day AU
vet clinic AU
college professors AU
on a train together and the train is stopped in the middle of nowhere for some reason AU
Letter found in an old notebook AU
Road trip across the country and accidentally crossing paths AU
Work at the same shitty restaurant and have all the same shitty shift times AU
Record store AU
basically just like a coffee shop AU but with music
Always getting the same cashier when checking out at Target no matter what day it is AU
1950’s diner AU
Youtubers AU
Found the phone number of an old childhood friend in some box at the back of your closet and decided to call it to see if it still worked AU
‘I live in the apartment below yours and I keep getting your mail this needs to stop dammit’ AU
Going up to the mountains for Christmas and getting stuck at the ski resort because of bad weather AU
ENGLISH LOVE AFFAIR AU
Going to the fair and rocking the Ferris wheel seat so the person sitting next to you clings to you like a lifeline AU
Walked into the wrong classroom and didn’t realize until halfway through AU
Hugged to wrong person from behind AU
Waved back at someone who wasn’t waving to you in the first place AU
snowed in AU
lives alone in the woods and finds a confused lost person walking around AU
finding a puppy on the side of the road AU
asthma attack without the inhaler in the middle of the night and the other one has to calm them down AU
spy AU
con artists AU
grew up as best friends but you got hot over the summer can I touch ur biceps AU
scared of flying AU
“I have no idea how to work this washing machine, can you help me?“
person A asking for directions from person B because they’re new in town and hopelessly lost
constantly fighting for the best seat in the library/coffee shop/whatever
Neighbors who only meet because I cannot get this stupid jar open, can you help?
Argue over the last jar of cranberry sauce at the 7/11 au.
Both stood up on blind dates au
Buddy cop au
1940s noir au
Meet in a diner at 2am au
Patients on the same hospital ward au
while volunteering in the library for a summer reading scheme, got talking to the guy who brought cousins to sign up au
talked for hours in a queue for tickets au
asked for advice for a recipe in the supermarket because you had no internet connection au
showed you had to use the gym equipment and then turned out to be your gym class instructor au
met at a Renaissance faire AU
sat next to each other on a roller coaster AU
got locked out of dorm room AU
camping in the same area AU
hurricane during a beach trip AU
met at a card game competition AU
kids go to the same school AU
repairman AU
strip club AU
surfer AU
private security AU
Deep into Character Development AU
meeting while waiting for hours on end in the emergency room au
monopoly night au
commiserating on a night shift at McDonalds au
you were the only one that offered to help me move in au
marching band au
sharing a high school textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners au
working in a museum au
panicked yelling in unison because of lost baggage in between connecting flights au
I keep calling tech support because you’re helpful and also your voice is really cute au
rival ice cream trucks au
you helped me get my kayak upright so we’re friends forever au
competitive buskers who eventually form a band au
newspaper advice columnists who passive-aggressively diss one another in their advice au
working at a theatre together during the midnight premiere of a blockbuster au
Coffee shop AU
found their phone number in a library book au
hitchhiker ride au
met through online rpg au
accidentally taking each other’s bags au
camp councilors au
antiques shop au
called the wrong number while drunk au
sex shop au
found your their dog au
crashed the their car au
yoga class au
public demonstration au
Both Speak a Different Language and Have to Communicate Another Way AU
Small Town Lovers AU
Road Trip AU
meeting on Tumblr au
artists au
lost in a museum au
meeting on an online game au
art shop au
mattress store au
Goth au
grocery store au
wrong apartment au
pizza delivery au
on the same sports team au
Arranged Marriage AU
CIA AU
Fallen Angel AU
James Bond AU
Fashion Designer AU
Dancer AU
CEO AU
Band on a Tour AU
reached for the last snack item at the same time au
accidentally ‘borrowed’ their towel at their gym au
saw their number graffitied on a toilet stall au
parents signed them up for the same shitty art/science program au
met on omegle au
thirst follow au
mail keeps coming to the wrong address au
I think your dog likes my dog” au
Wrong bag AU
Hey can I use your charger AU
Missed the same flight AU
Accidentally fall asleep on stranger AU
Can I use your hotspot AU
Running late for same flight AU
Get in the same cab AU
Share the same layover AU
Racing on the walkway AU
Hot pilot AU
Sitting by the same wall plug AU
Getting lost in the airport AU
Last bag of gummy bears in the machine AU
Thinking they’re someone else and jump hugging them AU
Airport bar AU
Commenting on the TV in the gate AU
Can I borrow money for the pay phone AU
Huge storm all planes grounded AU
Stuck in the subway AU
Huge blizzard only one room left in the hotel AU
Both in the smoking room AU
Scared of flying and needing comfort AU
In line together AU
Grabbed wrong shoes in security AU
Grabbed wrong anything in security AU
Being patted down AU
Don’t speak the language AU
Help with wheel chair AU
Took the wrong phone off the charger station AU
Plane pressure drop and helping with the mask AU
Only one on late night bus AU
Wrong tour group AU
Oops went the wrong way AU
Why didn’t you recycle that AU
My airplane TV screen doesn’t work can I watch yours AU
Heard childhood best friends name being called on the loudspeaker AU
Heard first loves name being called AU
Ghost haunting airport AU
Only open seat in a diner AU
Can I have a stick of gum AU
Wearing the same shirt as a stranger AU
How many ways do you think we could smuggle drugs AU
Actually smuggling drugs AU
Human trafficking AU
Left wallet in a cab AU
Talking about art in a museum AU
Both typing essays on plane and helping each other AU
Rival teams heading to the same tournament AU
Vampires
Band heroes
Librarians
Office romance/bromance
Genderbend
Hospital staff
Hollywood
Broadway
Bandits/criminals
Medieval
Modern
shape shifter au
road trip au
stripper au
elevator stopped and we can’t get out au
one is a ghost au
debate on a mutual friends status au
librarian assistant au
dog walker au
internet friends au
scared of flying on a plane au
amnesia au
bookshop au
high school teachers au
goes to wrong apartment when drunk au
music store au
cross dresser au
foster care au
witness protection au
meet in online rpg au
picked a random number in a phone book and got you au
ice skaters au
roller skaters au
dancing partners au
singing partners au
mermaid au
stuck in an elevator together au
daycare au
yoga class au
Disney au
meeting on a vacation au
gangsters/ mobsters au
dystopian au
utopian au
wizard AU where one accidentally apparates into the wrong house
bffs when they were little but one moved away and they run into each other again AU
archaeologist AU
paramedic AU
ghosts in love AU
go to the same support group AU
just keep running into each other everywhere AU
younger siblings are best friends AU
ski patrol au
McDonalds au
you work at the ice cream stand across from my hamburger place and you’re cute au
the electricity went out and I don’t have candles au
you turned up at my door sopping wet and I don’t know what else to do au
reached for the last item on the shelf au
detention au
playing romantic interests in a play au
time travel au
summer camp au
sat next to each other on the train/airplane/bus au
stuck in an airplane au
went on the school trip together au
ballet au
Boarding school au
romantic comedy scriptwriters AU
Disney world characters au
Picking apples at grocery store when all of them fall down AU
Modern royalty AUs
Egyptologists AUs
Book club AUs
Met at comic con AUs
Lifeguard AUs
1920s con artists AUs
Time traveling AUs
Struggling artists AUs
incredibly long cross-country train ride AU
police procedural AU
bookstore AU
reluctant teammates that save the world together AU
platonic living together AU
lawyers AU
stuck-in-an-airport-because-the-flights-were-SO-VERY-delayed-and-it’s-like-two-am AU
sent to live with cousins AU
pretending to be siblings because of reasons AU
teaming up to rescue respective abducted children AU
pseudo-adopting-the-runaway-I-ran-into AU
forget high school students AU I want a high school teachers AU
law school AU
on the same college tour AU
trapped in a bank during a robbery AU
forced to share a table at the coffee shop a couple days in a row because crowded coffee shop and no room AU
DOCTORS AU
medical school AU
ride the same bus
Domestic AUs
Sock skating in the newly waxed floors.
Fighting over the thermostat settings.
Movie night on the couch.
With nowhere else to be, they both spend their rare day off at home.
Hosting a holiday party for their mutual friends.
Game night.
“Oh! Hey! Could you come and taste this to see if it’s okay?”
Your stray red item turned my whites pink.
Rosh ambo to see who has to go talk to the neighbors upstairs for being too loud.
Swapping “miracle cure recipes” for hangovers.
Having to put up holiday decorations together after a big fight.
Target practice with marshmallow shooter and the local kit of pigeons.
Power outage causes them to have dinner by candle light.
“My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on”
Person A is sick and Person B takes care of them.
“What is ______ doing in the freezer?”
Person A runs into Person B’s one-night stand at breakfast.
Sharing book titles/CDs.
Volunteers to investigate the strange noises coming from the closet.
Begrudgingly adopts the cat that climbed in through the open window and hid in said closet.
The ceiling is leaking. Who wants to deal with the apartment manager?
Person A suspect the new neighbors are serial killers. Person B attempts to placate them.
Choosing to repaint the apartment and goes to the hardware store together to pick out color swatches.
Thunderstorm cuddles
Roommate/Neighbors AU
‘friend of a friend needs a place to stay before they get evicted’ au
‘roommate falls in the shower and breaks an arm’ au
‘roommate has a nightmare and doesn’t want to sit alone at night’ au
‘new roommate cooks alone for the first time and almost burns down the house’ au
‘roommate gets sick and needs tissues and cough sweets and soup’ au
‘overhearing roommate singing in the shower to find out they sound angelic’ au
‘My roommate is kind of hot?????’
Walks in on roommate crying while watching a movie in the living room.
my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
walking in on hot roommate masturbating oh my god
Sorry my roommate puked on your shoes
“wait, you’re not the roommate I requested”
Neighbors in a shitty apartment building that share a sense of solidarity for each other (also a mutual attraction because hot what)
Romance!
I promise I’m not hitting on you but you smell really good"
Sleepy kisses AU
Inappropriately timed confessions
INAPPROPRIATELY TIMED PROPOSALS
At a ski lodge and somehow got stuck outside in the middle of the storm but hey look there’s a conveniently abandoned cabin I guess the logical thing to do is go in there and snuggle for warmth for the night
Seeing love interest in formal wear for the first time whaaat
Everyone thinks they’re dating and then they start wondering if they’re dating
Oops friend looks like the only place to sleep in this house is this small, twin-sized bed, guess we’ll have to share
Crashed the wrong wedding and now the best man/maid of honor is on my ass, but hey they’re kinda hot so???
drama school rivals being cast as romantic opposites because they have “crazy sexual tension” according to their director AU
You belong to a rival team, but I’m falling head first for you and I’m trying my hardest to not throw the championship game away au.
I see you with the same person all the time and I assume you two are in a relationship so I’ll just pine for you from a distance au.
We’ve been together for a while now and I want to have a family with you but don’t know how to approach the topic since you made it pretty clear that you dislike children au.
you’re in the air force and I’m in the marines and deeply in love you, but I’m not sure if it’s possible for us to be anything because I just got my orders and I’ll be an ocean away from you au.
Drunk dialed/texted ex/crush oh hell
We met years ago when you helped me find my mom when I got lost in the mall and I never forgot your soft smile even after all these years au.
I work the late shift at the bar and you recently started being a regular during the evening, always looking like a wreck and one day I finally worked up the nerve to ask if you were okay. You tell me how you have twins and the mother/father left and you don’t know what to do so you’re drinking your problems away au.
You’re my tutor on a subject that I can easily ace but I’m only acting stupid because I really want to know how your lips taste and feel like against mine au.
I’m a criminal detective investigating a murder and you’re a suspect. You definitely look the part of a murderer… unfortunately. It should be illegal to be that hot and menacing au.
You and I meet at a bachelor/ette show with both of us hoping to get with, well, the bachelor/ette only to find and fall for each other au.
‘I guess we’ll have to share the bed’
‘maybe we should pretend to date’
‘Oh no….look like we trapped in this closet together….’
kissed them as a distraction while stealing their wallet au
I can’t go alone to my ex’s wedding
Omg our car broke down in a snowstorm
Hot single dad hires broke babysitter
“we’re the only ones who didn’t get the email about class being canceled” au
“we’re the only ones on campus who didn’t go home for Christmas” au
“can u help me sneak my cat into my dorm” au
“accidentally got assigned the same library study room so I guess we’ll have to share for the semester” au
“It’s raining and u forgot your umbrella so come over and stand under mine while we wait for the bus” au
EVERYTHING IS THE SAME BUT
antlers AU
wings AU
spirit animal that follows them around AU
It rains ducks AU (Like the bird. Srs)
name on the wrist for soulmate AU
first words of what your soulmate says to you on wrist AU
every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist More info here
PEN PALS or LETTERS
pen pals AU
pen pals for class au
Pen pals who meet in person for the first time AU
pen pals who vent at each other every week au
APOCALYPSE
Apocalypse survivors au
‘Maybe if we met before the apocalypse I could have loved you properly.’ AU
being reunited after surviving the zombie apocalypse unknowing if the other was alive or dead AU
Random
“are we both robbing the same house oh fuck” AU
growing up together in a rough neighborhood AU
mutual friends always dragged to the same inane barbecues AU
‘I heard you singing backstreet boys at 3am and decided to sing along oops’ AU
’ holy shit I’m in the wrong car’ AU
LASER TAG AU
‘Omg I can’t believe you still listen to CDs let me help you digitize’ AU
’ I know you steal my Wi-Fi to watch porn but it’s kind of hot idk’ AU
‘My pet really hates your pet’ AU
’ Customer that knows wayyyy more than the brand new employee please help me out’ AU
‘I was walking by the roller coasters and SOMEONE’S SHOE FLEW OFF AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD” AU
‘dude I know we don’t know each other but my swim trunks came off when I jumped in the water can you grab them for me’ AU
”it’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some goddamn French fries right now so open your fucking door’ AU
SWIM TEAM AU
‘got mistaken for a celebrity by the celebrity’s biggest fan’ AU
‘this person just fell asleep on me in the subway but they’re cute so whatever’ AU
‘sorry I set the fire alarm in our building off again for the forty-eighth time I was trying to cook’ AU
‘so YOU’RE the douchebag who keeps mowing their lawn while I’m trying to sleep’ AU
‘I know nothing about camping will you help me I think I heard a bear’ au
WINDOW WASHER AU
‘we’re literally the only two kids who ride this school bus maybe we should carpool or make out or something’ AU
‘I hired you off craigslist to be my date for a wedding’ AU
’I’m a werewolf but I’m embarrassed to tell you because my wolf form is more like a Chihuahua’ AU
‘we both tried to rob a bank at the same time’ AU
fighting a squirrel AU
”your sandcastle is pathetic” beach au
‘I’m pretending to be ur bff because u looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on u’ AU
‘What the fuck are you doing it’s midnight why are you playing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ on the piano’ AU
Alternatively, ‘I’m going to lean out the window and sing along until you fucking stop and wonder who else is singing’ AU
‘Your cat keeps getting into my house and I don’t even know how would you care to explain’ AU
‘I forgot to do my homework so I’m just going to copy off of you and hope that you didn’t get the answers wrong’ AU
“which asshole hasn’t returned the DVD I want yet” au
Model who looks and acts really professional at the photo shoot but is actually a huge nerd AU
AU where they are coincidentally seated next to each other at a sports game as strangers and get caught by the Kiss Cam
Stole a car with someone sleeping in the back seat [Turns out that the car had already been stolen so basically you just stole a stolen car] AU
I lost a bet and I am a man of my word so here I am about to get a bikini wax for the first time. I knew it was going to be painful but what I wasn’t expecting was that a really hot guy going to do the waxing and now I’m trying failing to not get a hard on au.
We’re guild mates in a mmorpg and I’ve only ever heard your voice and I may or may not have jacked off to you just talking while I had my mic off. And now I accidentally forgot to turn it off and you heard me breathing hard moaning your name as I came on myself au.
Our families loathe each other because we’re competing for the best pizza restaurant title and now they asked us to get close to each other to steal the opposing family’s secret. But the thing was that we’ve been together for months so we fake a fake relationship and give our family false information au.
rival superhero’s who are trying to protect the same small city
posted a joke ad in the classifieds but someone actually responded
person A who sits in the back of every staff meeting and makes snarky comments under their breath about everyone the whole time and person B who arrived late and sat next to them and can barely hold in their laughter
“we both got in separate bar fights downtown and now we’re waiting in the ER comparing stories" au
“accidentally fell in your lap while standing on this crowded bus” au
“tried to get the candy bar that didn’t drop out of the vending machine and now my hand is stuck can u help me out” au
“I rented the apartment above your flower shop and in the last two months you’ve gotten a new flower I’m allergic to so I keep buying bouquets until I can figure out which kind it is” au
“you know you’re singing to your headphones out loud, right” au
beat the crap out of each other in online multiplayer au
worked really well together in online co-op au
met while buying condoms at the corner store
little kids getting way too caught up in make-believe AU
got involved in a heated game of Smash Bros. at a con AU
Movies, Anyone?
Labyrinth au!
Jurassic park au?
Bonnie and Clyde or Thelma and Louise au
GREASER/SOCS AU OH MY GOD
Breaking Bad AU
FRIENDS AU
Zombie AU
Season 5 of SPN AU
Lucifer and Michael AU
Backpacking Across Europe AU
Kingdom Hearts AU
Mermaid AU
Beauty and the Beast AU
Adam and Eve AU
Noah’s Ark AU
Fight club au
Murder mystery au
Reality TV show au
Both cosplay the same character at a con au
Sitting next to each other in the theatre au.
It Takes Two to Tango
Soldiers on opposing side au
Prisoner and prison guard au
war prisoner/captor who lets them go but they want to stay AU
One character is an angel and one is a demon au
Taken hostage at the bank au
Alternatively, Hostage Taker and Hostage
Tailor and customer au
Next to each other on a turbulent plane journey au
both turned to look at a cute kid and saw each other au
got debating on a mutual friend’s status au
asked a library helper for reading advice and got excited about the same books au
Sitting in Detention AU
Asking a date to Prom AU
Proposal AU
Wedding Planner and Wedding Caterer AU
Actor/Rock star and agent AU
Author and Illustrator AU
Vet and Pet Owner AU
School Rivals AU
7 minutes in heaven/Truth or Dare AU
Stuck in an Elevator for 3+ hours AU
Book Seller and Customer AU
Running from the police AUs
Librarian AUs
Rebels against the government AUs
Internet friends AUs
Rock star and groupie AUs
Accidentally read his/her diary AUs
photographer and model AU
writer and editor AU
immortal and non-immortal AU
Immortal and Methuselah AU
screenwriter and director AU
Greek god and roman counterpart AU
We were skiing/snowboarding and got on the same lift and now the lift is stuck au
runaway royalty and confused commoner AU
android and human AU
orchestra player/pianist and concertgoer AU
mailman(/woman) and person who receives a lot of mail AU
private detective and client AU
protester and police officer AU
lab partners AU
new neighbors AU
one’s blind and falls in love with the other’s voice AU
hair stylist/makeup artist and actor/model AU
cat/dog runs away and other person finds it AU
mistaken identity AU
sit next to each other in orchestra/band/class AU
Partners in (literal) crime AU (theft? fraud? hacking? murder?)
partners in dance class AU
trapped on a deserted island together AU
crashed their car au
psychologist/ patient au
teacher/ student au
fell asleep on a stranger au
Superhero and/or Villain AU
understudy for play/musical au
date auction for charity
alternatively, buyer and the date
rescuing their partner from a recon mission gone wrong AU
Run into each other in a hospital while there for really stupid reasons
Both have same obscure taste in music and meet in a dark corner of a music store
‘camp counselors at the same sleep away camp’ au
‘my new FBI partner/consultant is really hot’ au
‘we have to sing a duet together but I hate you’ au
‘I should not be this attracted to the new intern’ au
‘you accidentally shipped this weird thing to my apartment’ au
‘my new best friend’s sibling is so hot’ au
‘forced lab partners’ au
‘you just joined the -sports team here- that I’m the captain of’ au
‘we both tried to grab the last copy of that book in the shop’ au
‘we went to a con/party dressed as a couple on accident’ au
‘my roommate’s best friend is really obnoxious but also hot’ au
‘we’re the only ones in this subway car and the metro broke down’ au
the ‘new bartender at my favorite bar is unfairly attractive’ au
Fuckin’ Assholes
kept kicking the back of my chair at the theatre au
tried breaking into my flat when they were drunk because they thought it was theirs au
always arrives at the cafeteria 30 seconds before me and takes the last sandwich I like au
repeatedly comes into the shop I work at and picks up a lettuce then half way through the shop
decides they don’t want the lettuce and puts it back on the shelf next to them regardless of what aisle they’re in au
HALLOWEEN
I tried to buy all the Halloween candy in a store before you could
Met trying to grab the last of a costume in a specific size
Came to the wrong Halloween party
Wore the same exact costume
Surprise decorating neighbor’s yard with fake spiders/webs
Pranked the wrong person on accident
Grabbed at the same time for the last copy of a scary movie
Came to investigate someone screaming next door
The kids we’re escorting to trick or treat dropped their bags
Accidentally scared a kid and their adult is angry
Dog chased me up a tree when I tried to knock on the door
Tried to get the last perfectly round pumpkin at the same time
You took my pumpkin pie on accident and I have your apple one
I ran out of candy and aren’t you too old to be trick or treating
Hugged/kissed wrong person in a costume like my friend’s.
Stuck in the same group for a haunted house and grabbed each other when something jumped out at them
‘I was unaware that there was an organized zombie crawl going on and I didn’t realize you were in a costume and I screamed in your face because I truly thought I was facing a zombie invasion’ au
COLLEGE
turns out that random hookup from the club sits right next to you in your favorite class
skipping class to get high
I really need to pass this midterm and rumor has it you have the best study guide"
I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room
It’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model
hey I have to take someone’s blood pressure for class will you be my victim
I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity
all our friends are drunk
it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
We’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
humans vs zombies (see you can still have your zombie AU, best of both worlds)
we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
GROUP PROJECT
#both of us turned up at the wrong room for this lecture but don’t know where its meant to be
waiting outside for pizza to be delivered and both of ours are super late
you keep parking in the space outside my student house you absolute asshole
we live in halls opposite each other and I keep seeing you changing through your window
#you’re the only other person in the room when I break the printer and I’m panicking
Neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
This awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
I found your USB drive still in the computer
I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
You keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
We’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
You decked me in the head while you were playing Frisbee golf
Wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
What are you doing at this table at the career fair
Waiting for office hours
I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
Clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay.
We started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
both stuck in the dorm common room because their respective roommates needed “alone time”
my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
we’re always at the fitness center at the same time and end up competing on the treadmill
Can I borrow a dryer sheet? I ran out and the ones in the vending machine give me a rash
Your school mailbox is right next to mine
I saw you sneaking captain crunch and cutlery out of the dining hall
My roommate borrowed your contraband hotpot and managed to set it on fire
You keep using my preferred shower stall in the floor bathrooms when I’m trying to get ready for class
My computer crashed and you’re the student worker at the IT center
we’re both on athletic teams that aren’t as cool as the football team and they give us shit
You’re part of the guerrilla theater club on campus and crashed my class for a performance
What do you mean we’re under a tornado warning?
it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m going to make that fucker pay
you’re the fucker who set off the fire alarm with your awful cooking
I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking
my shower isn’t working can I use yours
RA mandated floor party
I couldn’t help but notice you’re watching a show I like instead of studying in the computer lab
dude your headphones are really loud like I can make out most of Kanye’s lyrics and I’m sitting across the fucking room
Hey the semester’s almost over and I have way too much money on my cafeteria account, do you want anything??? this shit’s just going to disappear into the college’s pocket otherwise
THERE IS A BOUNCY CASTLE IN THE OVAL AND I AM VERY EXCITED
I’ve ordered take out every night this week and you always seem to be my delivery person
we’re both skipping class to study for a different class
you live above me and I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop throwing parties Sunday night
there’s only one study room left in the dorm basement and I don’t want to walk to the library, let’s fight for it
I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
The guy with the bibles on the quad has cornered me and is screaming about hell, please rescue me
lecture room bingo for annoying things your prof says
you’re obviously high or hungover so I’m going to rescue you and tell the teacher why your answer wasn’t as strange as it sounded, but you’ll owe me
holy fuck you found me on the roof please don’t be an RA
You’re standing right next to me while we’re both flyering and catching all of the people walking past before I can
Alternatively, we’re standing right next to each other while flyering and hey, are you as miserable as I am right now?
We can’t both listen to our music in the shower at the same time
Both of us are super bored at this mandatory floor meeting
We both work really late shifts on Friday Nights and you give me a ride home so I don’t have to walk alone in the dark
You’re the only one who actually responded to the desperate message I sent to the whole class about needing the notes
All the seats in this huge fucking lecture hall and you have to sit right next to me
I’m sorry you caught me moving your clothes out of the dryer but in my defense I’ve been waiting for one to open up for about an hour now
We were both running for the bus and it didn’t wait for us, so now we’re at this bus stop together alone
Are you the one who keep leaving their dirty dishes in the common area kitchen
You posted that you needed to borrow something on the floor’s Facebook group and I just so happen to have what you need
I want to buy your football ticket/textbook/etc. so we have to meet up
Every single table in the union is full, do you mind if I just sit here for a while?
“we heard meningitis is going around and we’re both terrified and buying hand sanitizer in bulk”
the only ones in the dorm that go out for thirsty Thursday
met doing laundry at 2am college au
accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
picked up the wrong book when we bumped into each other college au
Hey exchange student why don’t you can come to mine for thanksgiving?? college au
walked in on you in the shower college au
drunkenly hooked up but you’re dating my roommate who already hates me college au
the always-partying kid falls for the always-studying kid college au
heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider college au
I really hate you but you have the highest grades in class and I need help college au
It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.
I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.
How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?
Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.
HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN
YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.
A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT
humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.
REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.
WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE
WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY
THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.
HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS
WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.
HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE
OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD
More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness – but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.
(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)
Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:
Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you – and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty – humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits – but they’re highly functional.
Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves – and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.
In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.
Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place.
We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps.
And by god, we will eat anything.
We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food.
We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin.
We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live.
We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground.
Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places.
We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them.
On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet.
Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us
We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!
On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.
Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.
Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.
The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.
Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.
We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it.
Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel.
They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”
So one of my co-counselors at a middle/elementary school camp I’m working for has a SUPER cool necklace that incites a conversation with nearly every person he meets.
“Is that real?!”
“How do you water it?”
“Where’d you get it?”
And I figured this company could use the advertisement boost it deserves among Tumblr bloggers who seem to adore small plants.
CHECK OUT THESE COOL LITTLE DUDES:
They would make a super awesome gift!!
They’re surprisingly inexpensive; only $4.99 each!!
You only need to water them around once a month!!
And watering them is super easy; you just submerge them in a shallow layer of water for a minute or two!! You don’t even have to remove the capsule!!
Just look at how adorable they are!!
These are the actual size measurements of the capsules:
Height – 1.5 in (4 cm)
Width – 0.23 in (17 mm)
So you can carry one with you wherever you go!!
They can live within the capsules from 3-18 months depending on the plant and care provided.
Once they grow big enough to leave the capsule, you can move them into these really cute pots sold by the same company (you can find pictures in the link below).
There’s actually no reason why you shouldn’t buy like 5 dozen of these babies.
You can attach them to your bag, or to your phone as a charm
or you could make a necklace out of them like my co-counselor did!
DON’T RESIST THEIR ADORABLENESS AND YOUR TEMPTATION TO PURCHASE ONE (OR TWO OR THREE)!
^I think I might get this one for myself!
TLDR; THEY’RE SUPER INEXPENSIVE, EASY TO CARE FOR, AND THEY MAKE A FABULOUS GIFT FOR ANY OCCASION!
Don’t everdo this. If you like something, fucking say it. Don’t swear at a writer, and tell them you hate them.
Someone had to talk me out of deleting my entire fucking ao3 account because of this shit. I haven’t written anything new in months because of people thinking it…
Listen to me right fucking now.
I am done with this type of behavior.
People who are on tumblr (which this is a tumblr specific type of hate(but really love) thing… KNOCK THIS THE FUCK OFF.
Stop reading what we write.
Seventeen. They could be thirty as well, as one was that flamed me over almost two years ago which brought me to a halt for a while. Point is age does not matter.
THIS IS FUCKING BULLYING.
THIS IS FUCKING MANIPULATION.
THIS IS FUCKING ABUSE.
This is not appropriate.
This is not funny.
We are people. HUMAN FUCKING BEINGS. We live and bleed and hurt and love so fucking passionately we feel the ever-loving fucking necessity to bleed words to paper, siphon our souls out in text, cry and rant through this medium.
If you do this, stop following me. If I see you do this I will not only report you to AO3, I will put your name on a black list and spread it through the fandom. I am really sick and tired of people not being held accountable for this blatant asshattery.
FANDOM IS A SAFE FUCKING SPACE. THIS IS NOT CUTE. IT IS NOT OK. IT IS NEVER OK. EVER.
YOU garrulous twats are DRIVING people away from creating anything further for the fandom.
STOP.
(I love you tiger. You are one of the people that held my hand during that time whether you know it or not. You do not deserve this. ~Diann)
I agree with your righteous bullying rant, but fandom is questionable as hell as a safe space. People don’t risk followers or likes for the hard stuff.
BUT we should. I have fic I am in the middle of writing that is hard. I have written MCD, Rape, Abduction, Non-Con Prostitution. Do I all the time? No. It’s not because of who-reads-what-with-me. It’s what I feel needs to be published at that time. Does it ever feel safe? No.
BUT
It is a safe space. The reason it is is because we claim it as one.
If someone worries about losing followers or kudos, that is completely normal. Sometimes my stomach can’t take it, but I do it anyway. Other writers within the fandom do it anyway.
Artists too.
If you have something you want written that is hard or difficult subject matter, approach me. I’ll throw it in the queue to-be-written. I have friends that throw me stuff because they know I will handle it with sensitivity and I do not judge.
If you feel you need to write the harder stuff. DO SO. POST IT. Then ORPHAN the STORY. That is what that function is there for.
I have been through my history multiple times over the last week and I realised that there were over 40 bookmarks JUST GONE.
40. GONE.
ACCOUNTS DELETED.
GOOD WORKS.
Hard stuff, light stuff, the silliest crack.
It makes my heart break.
If you ever feel like deleting your account on AO3, please, please consider orphaning it instead. (Yes you can do that!) It goes into a slush ‘orphan-account’ area and works are still posted just in a completely orphaned capacity.
I will risk it.
Even if I am left writing the words down only for myself.
I wish others would be more vocal about the abuse that is becoming rampant in the fandom. I am only one voice. And a small one, I do realise.
But I will still take a stand every time.
Because no abuse is ever okay.
Even if Fandom is not the safe space I state that it is, that still does not make it ok to say things in this manner. It is not ok ever.
There comes a time where you chose a line to walk. I chose mine when I began writing again.
I will, if I can help it nurture and encourage always.
I HATE having to be this pissed, but this unacceptable.
I will take what bit of the fandom I can and wrap it in angel feathers and fucking candy floss if I have to and then blacklist, contact AO3, go to Tumblr, make noise over it through the fandom because this callousness has taken root.
And again, it is unacceptable.
This is fucking ridiculous. I’ve been lucky, I guess, I haven’t got many bad comments. The only semi-bad one I did get though nearly made me not write a particular pairing ever again.
Also there are tags. Read them. I have not read this particular fic and won’t, not because it isn’t wonderful (I’m sure it is, I love all of Tiger’s fics), but because I know I can’t handle major character death. Or super angst.
But that doesn’t mean folks shouldn’t write it.
I hate it when I realize a beloved fic is gone. Then I kick myself for not downloading them. Artists need love and care and nurture. Comment, kudos, reblog, drop an ask. We all need that validation. Art isn’t made in a vacuum.
I strive very very had to avoid the fandom drama. I’m only human though. That said, if anyone needs a safe place, my ask is always open and i’m pretty well always on Skype.
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
Or, if you prefer Vonnegut:
“There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
