Sherlock blinking and talking nonstop in his head, instead of out loud? Yeah. He’s going to do that in bed, too, the first time.
I must admit I believed this would never happen
John Watson in my bed
John is in my bed and he is taking off my clothes and he is very good at taking off my clothes but then again John Watson is talented in many unexpected ways
For example John Watson is kissing me now and despite having dissected many human tongues over the years I never would have imagined that a tongue could do THIS but then again it is John Watson’s tongue
Such interesting textures and sensations warm wet slippery this really should be vile and repulsive this commingling of saliva but mmm oh was that me I think I made that sound
I hope John Watson will not think he has injured me as I did make an alarmingly loud moaning sound just then
Where is he going with that tongue of his I have discovered I quite like it in my mouth
Oh well that is very interesting considering the male nipple is a vestige of the embryonic stage and serves the male of the species no real purpose holy GOD what YES upon further study the purpose appears to be primarily one of pleasure what is he OH that is rather YES stimulating
And here we have a perfect example of brain synapses firing and nerve endings communicating throughout the BODY I will have to study this again, at a different OHHH my nipple is connected to my penis I’m not sure I knew that before
Hello penis
I have observed John Watson’s hands on many occasions and thought I was aware of their many capabilities but he is so full of surprises is my John Watson JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH his hand is on my penis or should I say erection pull it together Holmes don’t lose the plot now HE IS STROKING MY ERECTION HIS HANDS ARE OF GOD
How did my legs spread themselves of their own volition and where is John going with that mouth and those hands I am not done with my observations where is
OH GOD WHAT? HOW? FOCUS HOLMES! John Watson’s tongue is stroking my erection up and down FRENULUM! FRENULUM! in a manner lewd and entirely fascinating I must say had I known
FOR THE LOVE OF perhaps it had not occurred to me he would be able to fit both in his MOUTH concurrently OH OH OH but he certainly can there is no denying the evidence
A FINGER is that a FINGER I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT IS REFERRED TO AS DIGITAL STIMULATION OF THE AN-AN-ANUS
THE PROSTATE IS A GLAND THAT PRODUCES
HOLY FUCK
FOCUS
FOCUS
IT APPEARS I AM APPROACHING CLIMAX TWELVE MINUTES THIRTY-SIX SECONDS SOONER THAN PREVIOUS ESTIMATIONS ALLOWED
HOT HOT HOT TIGHT TIGHT WET SUCKING SUCKING
HOW IS THIS EVEN
OH OH OH YES IMPENDING ORGASM ORGAS- ORG- OR-
And at the end of it all, John says, “Are you aware you said all of that out loud?” And Sherlock is speechless.
roane: Well you know, this is sex with two penises, which I have never experienced.
roane: And I get now, why people go straight for anal sex (pun intended) because it’s easier to ‘get’, you know?
greywash: re two penises: true
greywash: yeah
greywash: idk
greywash: I always default to frottage just because it seems very logical to me
greywash: step one get naked, step two wiggle
greywash: step three profit!
roane: Clearly, I need to have sex that involves two penises.
This is Catherine The Great. She was a legendary Empress of Russia and ruled longer than any other leader, and she did a damn good job by all accounts. People loved her, she worked hard, she was smart, and she was also one of the proudest motherfucking freaks in HISTORY. She proved to the world that just because you look a little like Lady John Lithgow does not mean you are undesirable, and just because you’re royalty does not mean you can’t be a horny goddess of filth.
There’s this rumor that Catherine’s biggest conquest was a literal goddamn horse, but historians believe that it’s just a sick rumor that some hating ass bitches made up because they were intimidated that a woman could not only be in charge of a country but of her own sexual predilections. HMM, THANK GOD TIMES HAVE CHANGED???
Anyway, Catherine used her money to finance this fuck pad room in her castle that was an homage to doin’ the nasty. Catherine’s Pinterest board must have looked like a fucking PornHub screenshot because this is what that beautiful proud slut decorated her lair with:
A chair that is so classically beautiful and…oh my damn…what in the hell..
IS THAT CHAIR SUCKING A DAMN DICK?
THAT IS THE DEVIL AND HE IS EATING A PUSSY LIKE HELLFIRE’S GONNA SHOOT OUT OF IT
YOU NOT A BAD BITCH UNLESS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR HAS A PANTALOON-LESS VULVA AIRING ITSELF OUT ON IT.
THERE ARE GIANT WANGS GROWING OUT OF GIANT CHI-CHIS HOLDING UP A CORNUCOPIA OF FINELY-CRAFTED, CLASSICAL ASS, BAROQUE ASS, ROCOCO ASS GENITALS, WITH THEIR TORRENTIAL EJACULATIONS. HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA GO TO IKEA AFTER THIS SHIT?
I wish there were more pictures of the original pieces, but in the 50′s some uptight German Army dipshits destroyed her collection because it gave them shameful boners or something. An artist has recreated her utilitarian odes to fuck, but it is truly sad that we cultured skanks can never appreciate such high art in its original glory. Damn, Cathy. Respect.
