Remember kids: Pluto is not a planet, WAS never a planet, and any acknowledgement of Pluto as a planet was an error of assumption
Fuckihg fight me right now viva la Pluto
F u c k you it was a clerical error!! The real ninth planet is out there but it’s not Pluto! Stop ruining science!!!!
A clerical error? Oh, no – the truth is far more absurd.
(Hold on, folks – this requires a bit of background.)
In a nutshell, since the late 19th Century, it had been suspected
that there was a ninth planet, based on apparent irregularities in the
orbit of Uranus. This as-yet-hypothetical planet, whose gravitational
influence would have accounted for those irregularities, was termed
“Planet X”.The trouble is, nobody could find the thing, no matter how
hard they looked. That seemed to have changed in 1930, when a new moving
object was finally detected on the outskirts of the Solar system. When
word of this discovery got out, the media declared that Planet X had
been found, and the object was subsequently named “Pluto”.However, there was a problem with the newly dubbed Pluto: its faint
albedo and lack of a visible disk suggested that it was much too small
to be Planet X. In fact, while school textbooks treated the matter as
resolved, the truth of the matter is that we had no idea what
Pluto was – we didn’t even know for sure whether it was a planet at
all, much less that it was Planet X. Though little reported-on by the
mainstream press, the search continued.It wasn’t until 1992 that data from the Voyager flyby of
Neptune revealed that prior estimates of the masses of the outer planets
had been slightly out of whack. With the corrections enabled by Voyager, the apparent anomaly in Uranus’ orbit was proven to be a math error: there was no Planet X after all.So what the hell was Pluto?
Eventually, it was determined that Pluto had less than 0.2% of its
initially estimated mass, and that its appearance near the predicted
position of Planet X’s orbit was just a bizarre coincidence. In spite of
this, it retained its provisional planetary status; it had already captured the public’s imagination, and the fact that Pluto
was the only “planet” to have been discovered by an American created
enormous political pressure against classifying it as anything else.This would remain the status quo until the discovery of additional
outer-Solar-system objects as large or larger than Pluto in the mid 00s –
most notably Eris – forced the classification issue to be resolved.TL/DR version: Pluto was never uncontroversially classified as a
planet in the first place. It just happened to coincidentally be near
the orbit of a hypothetical ninth planet that was later proven not to
exist, and sort of inherited the planetary status of its phantom sibling
on a provisional basis due to a combination of institutional inertia
and politics.(As icing on the cake, at the time of this posting, early 2016, there’s new – albeit controversial – evidence that there really is a mysterious ninth planet lurking out there. Note, however, that this conjecture is based on a completely different set of anomalies from the ones that led to the Planet X hypothesis.)
LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT PLUTO.
NASA just flew the New Horizons spacecraft by Pluto. PLUTO.
We’re going to have HELLA pictures of Pluto very soon. P. L. U. T. O. Even more HELLA than the “teaser” picture right before the flyby:
LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE MOTHERFUCKER WITH A HEART ON IT AND EVERYTHING.
You know where that picture was taken from? 476,000 MILES AWAY (766,048 KILOMETERS) You know what the closest approach distance was for New Horizons? 7,800 MILES (12,600 KILOMETERS) FROM THE SURFACE OF PLUTO.
That’s right. That means YOU AINT EVEN SEEN SHIT YET, SON.
It took us over 9 years to get to our solar system buddy 31.9 AU away.
Do you know how far away an AU is? 93 MILLION GODDAMN MILES or 149.6 MILLION HOLY SHIT KILOMETERS. Multiplied by over 30. With a (dwarf) planet flying around in some CATAWAMPAS ASS orbit.
WE JUST HIT A DAMN NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK AS LARGE AS THE SOLAR SYSTEM.
Because of this distance, the New Horizons spacecraft will take 16 MONTHS to transfer all the data from the encounter back to Earth.
In conclusion:
GUESS WHAT KIDS
As IF New Horizons wasn’t cool enough, WE JUST RECEIVED WORD FROM THE SPACECRAFT that it is A-OKAY.
That means that the spacecraft sent us a message to say HEY EARTH SUP I PASSED PLUTO AND IT WAS AWESOME. And then that message traveled FOUR AND HALF HOURS through the vastness of our solar system to get to us. THAT ALL HAPPENED TODAY.
And the best part? New Horizons called home to the Mission Operations Manager. THAT’S RIGHT. It called home to MOM.
I see you NASA, you clever motherfuckers.
THE EXCITEMENT ISN’T OVER YET. Images come tomorrow!!!
STAY TUNED. SCIENCE ON.
Bonus: Swagtastic New Horizons Team
4 FOR YOU NEW HORIZONS. YOU GO, NEW HORIZONS.
PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, NEWS HORIZONS.
Well, let me tell you, New Horizons delivered.
CHECK IT.
One of Pluto’s Moons: CHARON.
And the BIG BADDY ITSELF:
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over Pluto’s ICE MOUNTAINS, that may potentially be ICE VOLCANOS.
CRYOVOLCANOS.
NASA’s got even MORE shit to figure out because it looks like Pluto’s surface doesn’t have many CRATERS, which means it may be a lot younger.
YOUNGER? Okay great, what does that mean?
It means something’s active. Volcanism, migrating ice, latent heat from a possible INTERNAL OCEAN?!
Only time will tell…
Alright that’s all I got. Can’t wait to see what new things Pluto will tell us!!
Just think, you were tuned in when humanity explored a new world for the first time.
And that’s pretty fucking awesome.
DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW OR CARE THAT IN 2006 WE SENT OUT A THE FASTEST SPACESHIP EVER BUILT AND AT 5:45 THIS MORNING WE GOT THE CLEAREST. CLOSEST VIEW OF PLUTO THAT WE HAVE EVER SEEN. OH MY FREAKING GOD THIS IS SO COOL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD