I think a lot of us around here know the struggle to be happier with our bodies without plunging into unhealthy-doomed-to-fail-diets. So, as someone who has gotten to a pretty good place over the last 10 years since leaving the hellhole that is high school, some tips. Not all of these will work for you, but theeu did work for me. Some strategies to try:
1. Find things you have easy control over and enjoy the hell out of it. Hair color, tattoos, sparkly nails. Enjoy the parts of your look that are easy to control. I never loved my upper arms until I covered them in flowers.
2. Stop doing stuff that makes you miserable or stressed just because you are “supposed to”. For me, that was shaving. Hated it. Made me anxious. Stopped doing it. It helped a lot. No one has ever burst into flames because I have armpit hair.
3. Buy a kickass jacket. Now you look awesome no matter what. This also works for boots and very loud jewelry.
4. Find some self care routines that are easy and make you feel good. I recommend some face lotion with low spf in the morning and some multivitimans and moisturizing wipes for before bed.
5. In the morning when you get dressed, look in the mirror and compliment yourself. You look awesome, bad ass, adorable, cute as fuck. This might feel like a lie at first. One day, it wont.
6. Absolutely stop counting calories. This is not helpful. Not only does it make eating stressful, it isnt doing anything for your health. Calories are meaningless. 100 calories of spinach and 100 calories of rice and 100 calories of chicken are all very different nutritionally, both good and bad. Foods dont exist on a good/bad binary and no single number is going to help you be healthy. (In general, minimize carbs and sugar. Maximize protein and leafy veggies. But its ok to splurge. Food should bring you joy. FOOD SHOULD BRING YOU JOY.)
7. Find a fitness goal that doesnt involve your weight. Exercising feels good and can help with body image, but not if you end every session by stepping on a scale. I’m training to hike the grand canyon. I need endurance amd muscle mass. My weight literally doesnt matter for that.
8. If you are getting ready for your day and you start to second guess your outfit- repeat after me “I am not obligated to look perfect all the time. It’s ok for me to be comfortable. I don’t owe anyone my looks.” The world won’t end if you go to Target without looking fuckable enough. Its ok. Most people really wont give a shit, and those who would be upset by how a stranger looks in public are gross weirdos.
9. Clothes shopping sucks because ready made clothes are meant to look good on hangers, not on human bodies. Take your time, dont blame yourself for the clothes sucking, dont feel obligated to buy clothes that dont look good because you WANT them to look good.
10. Sometimes what you need is a big glass of water and a good stretch. Back bend, toe touch, torso twist. No joke, look up some easy yoga moves. Let your body breathe.
My final note is this: dont judge yourself by pictures and selfies and scales. Its impossible to take a good photo of the moon or a rainbow on your cellphone. Some beauty can not be captured by still images. You don’t owe the world your beauty. Your body doesnt need to be curated for others. Its your home. Its the only place you get to live. Its no ones but yours. Snuggle into it, paint the walls, find your peace there.
I really like that most of the notes are people talking about the specific jacket/boots/outfit that makes them feel good. Lol
Sometimes people hit a place in their life where things are going really well. They like their job and are able to be productive at it; they have energy after work to pursue the relationships and activities they enjoy; they’re taking good care of themselves and rarely get sick or have flareups of their chronic health problems; stuff is basically working out. Then a small thing about their routine changes and suddenly they’re barely keeping their head above water.
(This happens to me all the time; it’s approximately my dominant experience of working full-time.)
I think one thing that’s going on here is that there are a bunch of small parts of our daily routine which are doing really important work for our wellbeing. Our commute involves a ten-minute walk along the waterfront and the walking and fresh air are great for our wellbeing (or, alternately, our commute involves no walking and this makes it way more frictionless because walking sucks for us). Our water heater is really good and so we can take half-hour hot showers, which are a critical part of our decompression/recovery time. We sit with our back to the wall so we don’t have to worry about looking productive at work as long as the work all gets done. The store down the street is open really late so late runs for groceries are possible. Our roommate is a chef and so the kitchen is always clean and well-stocked.
It’s useful to think of these things as load-bearing. They’re not just nice – they’re part of your mental architecture, they’re part of what you’re using to thrive. And when they change, life can abruptly get much harder or sometimes just collapse on you entirely. And this is usually unexpected, because it’s hard to notice which parts of your environment and routine are load bearing. I often only notice in hindsight. “Oh,” I say to myself after months of fatigue, “having my own private space was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a scary drop in weight, “being able to keep nutrition shakes next to my bed and drink them in bed was load-bearing.” “Oh,” after a sudden struggle to maintain my work productivity, “a quiet corner with my back to the wall was load-bearing.”
When you know what’s important to you, you can fight for it, or at least be equipped to notice right away if it goes and some of your ability to thrive goes with it. When you don’t, or when you’re thinking of all these things as ‘nice things about my life’ rather than ‘load-bearing bits of my flourishing as a person’, you’re not likely to notice the strain created when they vanish until you’re really, really hurting.
Almost two weeks after reading this, and I’m still kind of blown away at what a ridiculously fruitful definition this is. Like I had no idea that load bearing things were a thing that needed to have a word for them, but now I’m like holy shit I’m so glad that there’s now a word I can use to refer to this really important class of Thing.
This is astounding. Load-bearing. Forget spoons, this concept is wonderful. I’m going to update my Spear Theory with this.
maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)
reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about
maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?
I just would like to thank everyone who ever reblogs this so that it somehow ends up back on my dash because I usually need the reminder (especially the drinking water one)
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This is actually why i got an app that goes off every hour to remind me to stand up ><. And another one that goes off every 2 hours to remind me to drink water.
wait until it gets dark and make tea or coffee or hot chocolate, or if it’s too hot outside make yourself a healthy smoothie with your favorite things in it at any point during the day
put on your favorite underwear, it helps, trust me, it’s an old family secret (i’m not kidding)
if you have a pet, play the “how many things can i stick on you until you move or get mad” game (bonus points if they fall asleep, extra bonus points if a family member sees you and tells you to quit it, extra double ultra points if they join in)
rip a peice of paper into as many little pieces as you can
go to animeseason.com and click “random anime” until you see one that looks completely ridiculous (or actually good) and watch the first episode. repeat if it sucked or if you get bored halfway through
spend at least an hour making a music playlist for how you feel right now and save it for now or when you feel a bad mood rise again
curl up in bed and cover yourself with blankets and pillows and put in music and just lay there for a while (sleeping is also good)
eat everything
drink lots of water
it’s okay bad moods don’t last forever!!!!!! i promise!!! you will be yourself soon and there are people who love you very much, don’t be afraid to reach out to them
you are lovely
eat lots of bananas
here are some more friends
i bet there is still a box of crayons in your house somewhere (if not you can get them cheap during back-to-school sales); find them and use them (maybe while watching ridiculous anime)
sunshine if you can manage it or just a sun lamp trust me it matters more than you think especially in winter
hugs even if they are stuffed animals or your pet or your pillow whatever is on hand
if you’ve got a favorite lotion/soap/thing that is scented use it liberally
cry if you need, if it doesn’t start by itself or if you don’t want to attract attention put on a sad movie so you have an excuse
write this down to pull out on future bad days:
it is okay to have a day where you don’t get things done
it is okay not to have a reason for feeling bad
taking care of yourself is a worthwhile use of time
if you still don’t feel better it is not your fault (and it is okay to ask for help)
^ Important for self care, and self care is important. When drama happens in the community, it can have a negative effect on everyone. Look after yourself, take time to care for yourself. We’re here.
