Okay, I want a superhero story in which the superhero is one of those ‘normal kid gets superpowers through freak accident’ and goes out and fights crime, and of course runs into the supervillain at some point and tries to take them down. And the villain, a couple minutes into the fight, realizes they’re fighting a literal child and just has an internal freak-out about this new development. Because, fine, I’ve got plans to steal all of the world’s largest gems and I’m generally not a nice person, but holy fuck there’s a kid coming at me. This is a kid. I can’t with this.
So the supervillain instead of trying to kill/hurt their nemesis goes through all these complicated plans to trap them or put them to sleep or stick them in a large tank or something so they can go ahead with it. Sometimes it works and the supervillain spends a harried half hour lecturing the superhero about maybe going to school and being safe instead of doing this, that would be nice.
The supervillain staying up at night occasionally wondering if the tiny superhero is out there trying to get themselves killed right this moment. The supervillain sending supervillain henchmen ninjas out to tail the superhero and help out if it ever looks like the superhero is going to get killed. The supervillain takes to pacing around and muttering to themselves occasionally about PARENTING and RESPONSIBILITY and how they never signed up for this shit. Actually petitioning their version of the Justice League to have someone step in and do something about this, that kid has to be like twelve and what is everyone thinking???? Bonus points if the kid has no parents and the villain finds this out and spends a night internally screaming about it.
Basically I want a supervillain unwittingly becomes the super worried parent of the kid who is actively trying to foil their every plan and topple their evil regime.
Realizing the superhero has no
family the supervillain puts the heist on hold for a few months. Obviously the
only thing to do done is to adopt the little superhero and get them off the
street before anything awful happens. The world doesn’t need more dead kids.So the supervillain signs up to
become a foster parent. He gets a background check. He rounds up his henchmen
and starts his own company (social networking natch’), just so social services have
co-workers to interview. And honestly, everything is going great.Until Nate, aka Ninja #4, takes
a late night shift on IT and instead of getting a call from someone who accidentally
fried their computer by spilling a drink on it, he gets a call from a distraught
woman whose abusive spouse won’t let her leave. She sabotaged the computer and
since the spouse won’t deal with it, she’s calling, and begging for help.
Whispering desperate pleas for someone to come fix the situation.Well, that’s not going to fly.
So Ninja Nate calls the boss, and the supervillain is not having any of it.
Robbing people is fine, beating spouses is not. So the ninja squad is
dispatched to go “repair” the computer and at the end of the day the nice lady
has a computer and the abusive spouse is in jail for forever.The next day the supervillain
is delighted to learn he is adopting a child. Only, when he goes to pick the
kid up, it isn’t the superhero, it’s a newborn. A cuddly infant who was taken
away from a parent in the hospital for reasons social services won’t discuss.
They warn the supervillain that this is temporary. The parents may want
parental rights back, the child isn’t his, but you know… love the baby like it
is.Terrified, the supervillain has
the ninjas add a new room to the fortress of doom, install a nursery with a
nice neutral forest theme, and then he starts a college fund. Because that’s
what new parents do, right?And, while he’s at it, the supervillain
starts a college fund for the 12yo superhero and hires him a tutor. And pays
for improvements to the school. And sends the ninjas over to give the superhero
a new computer (out of uniform of course). The superhero considers this highly suspicious,
but being 12 they are willing to accept that sometimes you do win prizes from
bringing in box tops and a new computer will really help with the homework.Now, the supervillain is out of
cash, has a newborn, and has to run a heist. So he sends the superhero a free
copy of DragonAge (content fixed to be suitable for a 12yo if necessary), and
goes on a heist.For ten years this goes on. The
supervillain sets up college trust funds for hundreds of children. He never
gets to adopt the superhero, but he sends him games, tutors, and covers the
rent for a few months when the 16yo superhero can’t get a job one winter.Finally, the supervillain
realizes he’s no longer fighting a kid. He calls the ninjas in, puts them in
the IT room, and goes to complete his villainous heist. The superhero arrives with
a cute little sidekick, who takes one look at the supervillain and starts
screaming like crazy because the sidekick think the superhero and supervillain
planned the surprise party to get the kid back with the only dad he’s ever
known.The supervillain fostered the
sidekick for 17 months starting when the sidekick was 9, and those were the
best 17 months of the kid’s life. Four years later, the sidekick ran away from
home and was adopted by the superhero who always felt like there was a guardian
angel watching out for lost kids with no parents.Not wanting to disappoint the
sidekick, the superhero says, “Of course! Surprise! I wanted to get you back
with your dad! Happy family reunion!”And, naturally, the
supervillain has to be good because this is one of his kids and how could he
let them down a second time.The superhero and the
supervillain talk after the teenager has been sent to bed, and they agree that
if they restructure the social network the supervillain set up, and take it
public, the company would earn more legally than the supervillain could make
illegally, and that would allow them to do more to work legally against
domestic violence and advocate for kids in the foster system.So the supervillain never got
to adopt the superhero, but they do Thanksgiving together every year along with
the ninjas, and lots and lots of foster kids. All who have amazing trust funds
and only some who happen to have superpowers.Please write this. Please. I am begging you.
what’s the deal with super villains and new york? the world has thousands of cities. “nope let’s just destroy that one”
they were mad because they couldn’t get hamilton tickets