It’s genuinely worrying to me how often white supremacist misogynist dudes have a weird Viking obsession. The Vikings did not agree with you. Stop dragging the Vikings into this.
Right-wingers: We should treat the Muslims like the Vikings did! Me: You mean travel thousands of miles to strike up profitable trade deals with them in their own countries and establish mutually beneficial business arrangements? Right-wingers: Wot?
Speaking as the genetic equivalent of a jar of mayonnaise smeared on plain white bread, I think it’s because unless you’re actual nobility, the Vikings are kind of the only really glorious-sounding white people from Northern Europe we have for the average modern white peasant to want to ethnically associate with. Not a lot of ethnonationalist glory to be found in dressing up like an oppressed serf tbh. Hard to drum up that white supremacy bloodlust when you remember your ancestors spent most of their time looking like the extras in Holy Grail, and only really stopped when they started murdering non-white people abroad instead.
Unfortunately I think a lot of these people take Skyrim as Historical Documents and go from there?? Like there’s a lot of Viking ‘inspired’ popular depictions that have very little resemblance to actual Vikings. And tend to be all white. And can be read to support an alt-right fundamentalist worldview.
black and asian vikings 100% definitely existed (also, saami vikings)
you know how far you can get into eurasia and africa by sailing up rivers from the baltic and mediterranean seas? pretty fucking far, and that’s what vikings liked to do to trade
then, you know, people are people, so love happens, business happens, and so ppl get married and take spouses back home to the frozen hellscape that is scandinavia (upon which i’m guessing the horrorstruck new spouses went “WHAT THE FUCK??? FUCKING GIVE ME YOUR JACKET???????”)
and sometimes vikings bought thralls and brought them home as well, and i mean, when your indentured service is up after however many years and you’re a free person again, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe it’s a bit hard to get all the way home across the continent, so you make the best out of the situation and you probably get married and raise a gaggle kids
so yeah
viking kingdoms/communities were not uniformly pure white aryan fantasy paradises, so pls stop using my cultural history and ethnic background to excuse your racist discomfort with black ppl playing heimdall and valkyrie
Also we KNOW they got to Asia and Africa.
Why?
Because Asians, Africans, and Vikings TOLD US SO.
I know a fantasy book that actually has a diverse Viking crew sailing to Africa.
The book features a chapter about a Viking voyage, which is set just after a Norman invasion of England. A pair of knights from England head off for retirement, evading capture from Moors and joining up with a Viking captain named Witta. Witta’s crew includes:
“Kitai”, a Viking navigator from China. Kitai is described using stunningly racist terminology, in order to make it really clear that this person is Definitely An Asian Person From Asia.
An African Grey parrot, which originates from the Congo.
Warrior “Thorkild of Borkum,” who was once a slave to a “King in the East”
References to “Hlaf the Woman” who wrote the manual, or Ship-book, that they use to navigate. We are told that she “robbed Egypt.”
Witta’s father traded on the African coast: “Witta told us that his father Guthrum had once in his life rowed along the shores of Africa to a land where naked men sold gold for iron and beads.”
Witta decides to repeat this journey. They put in somewhere near equatorial Africa and the locals hire them to kill some gorillas for them (?!) rewarding them with gold. The encounter is successful, and the crew splits up in England, with the knights bringing their share of the gold back to Sussex and the main plot of the book, and Witta going back to Stavanger.
The book also has scenes set on Hadrian’s wall in Scotland, somewhere around the year 400, in which the Roman soldiers
battle the “Winged Hats” from Scandinavia.
The Romans are explicitly described as a multiracial bunch, with men from all over the Roman empire, naturally including soldiers from Africa and Asia. I think a lot of people forget about the interactions between the native Celtic peoples of Britain, the Roman empire, and the Scandinavians.
The book was written by a Nobel Laureate 110 years ago. It is the seminal fantasy novel Puck of Pook’s Hill, by Rudyard Kipling, and it was published in 1906.
It is a problematic text, but it serves to demonstrate that “racist discomfort” is an artifact of more recent colonial history – previously, diversity in fiction was an exciting demonstration of the Rich and Varied Heritage of the Glorious British Empire. Because Kipling was, of course, the definitive Great White Colonialist.
Now, if an imperialist colonial propagandist writing 110 years ago decided he wanted to tell a fantasy story about how African gold brought to England by Vikings was responsible for the signing of the Magna Carta, and he did this by having his Vikings sail to Africa with a Chinese navigator, and his intention in doing so was to show off the might and diversity of the British Empire and how its Ideals of Justice were thus knitted together “as natural as an oak growing,” then I think modern fantasy fans can probably take a seat and listen to their own great-granddaddy.
Firstly, Vikings were not stinky, in fact they were considered a fragrant bouquet of delight compared to their Saxon neighbours. Vikings bathed once a week and fashioned beauty products out of small animal bones, tweezers to pluck out unwanted hair and ear spoons to scoop out gunk from the lug holes of even the most fearsome warrior.
Secondly, Vikings weren’t all that blood thirsty. In fact, their raiding hobby fast moved on to rather more boring interests, such as trading, settling and exploring (YAWN!).
Thirdly, there’s no evidence to suggest that Vikings wore horns on their helmets. After all, why would anyone think it would be a good idea to stick two big easy to grab horns on the side of their head? It would allow a quick thinking opponent to either yank your head in position for a well timed slash of a broadsword or simply pull your helmet over your eyes and provide chortlesome fun for all their friends as you stumble, blindly around the battlefield. In fact, there’s very little evidence to suggest that Viking wore helmets AT ALL. Illustrations from the period show them wearing lousy leather caps or boringly bare headed.
So if Vikings aren’t Stinky, blood thirsty, horned helmet wearing barbarians then doesn’t that make them rather boring? Oh no no dear reader, Vikings did plenty of bizarrely brilliant things. Here’s the Top 3 Weird Facts about Vikings according to Max Virtus.
3. Vikings loved Skiing
Ullr – The Viking god of skiing.
Who doesn’t love Skiing? They answer is not Vikings. They loved it. Their skis were about 2 metres long and made of pine wood. However, Vikings didn’t just ski, they also went ice skating. The skates were made from the foot bones of horses, cows or elks and were strapped to the feet of the Viking as they propelled themselves over the ice with two short sticks.
Are you thinking about a giant bearded Viking warrior involved in a pretty spectacular and surprisingly flexible ice skate dance routine whilst clad in horribly florescent and skin tight lycra? If not, you are now.
2. Wee Dye
Lye Soap ready for application
Vikings considered the ideal hair colour to be blonde. They could also suffer from horrible infestations of lice and knits in their finely combed (yes, they had combs too) hair.
So what better solution than dunking your head in a month old bucket of wee?
Not only would it eliminate any rogue lice if would also lighten the colour of your hair.
However, having to keep month old buckets of wee could clutter up even the longest longhouse. so Lye Soap was developed instead. The key toxic ingredient of yee olde Lye Soap? Wee.
1. Vikings had a Weird Sense of Humour
A Cow
Vikings took their reputations very seriously indeed. An insulted Viking would often respond to the verbal bashing by challenging the bully to a physical bashing instead. Duals would be held (not always resulting in death, sometimes the warrior who managed to disarm the other or draw first blood would be the victor) but what happened to the person who lost? Well, they were given a rather odd challenge. A wild cow would be brought into the hall where the dual had taken place. The cows tail would then be shaved and coated in grease. Then the Viking who had lost the dual would have their feet covered in grease too. Then the cow would be made angry (calling it names or poking it in the eye with a stick should do the trick). Then the loser would have to grip the cow’s tail (can you tell where this is going yet?).
On a given command the Viking would then have to pull the cow’s tail. Which would make the cow go WILD! Bucking and stomping, kicking out with it’s hooves like a cowy whirlwind of death. The poor Viking would simply have to keep hold of it’s tail until it calmed down. If he succeeded then not only could he keep his life he could also keep the cow as well! Bonus!
Secret Bonus Fact: Viking warriors wore eyeliner! It was called kohl and it was a dark coloured powder that kept the harsh light of the sun from damaging sensitive eyeballs.
Minor correction: people used the metatarsal of cows as skates. While this is technically a “foot bone,” cows are ungulates, meaning that they “walk” on the very tips of their toe bones. When looking at a cow leg, this makes the metatarsal used for ice skate material part of the lower leg. On the image below, this would be the bone labeled “25”
Unfortunately I don’t have a photo of one to show you guys, but I can take one when I go to work on Thursday, as we have a bone of this type at the museum at work at.
